The best way to get to know someone is to get to know their current life circumstances?

Name: Liz Whittaker

Age: Old enough to buy alcohol, but not old enough to receive government grants to pay for higher education

Employment: The fast food industry. Years of employment in professional calling centers, and now she's currently The AntiTaco.

Residence: The Hawmps, where they lose her cash payments for rent and threaten to kick her out for not being a student.

Relationship Status: Impatiently single. It would be a lot more convenient if she could develop actual feelings for someone available.

Aspirations: To be a student again. To do the splits and a double pirouette. To buy a bookshelf and new glasses.

Fears: Raccoons, loneliness, losing control of her romantic impulses.

Somewhat unattainable material desires: An iMac, an iPod, a digital camera, a car, a drumset.

Comforts: Music, ice-cream, friends, long walks alone in unlit areas

Frustrations: The rapidness with which our house gets dirty, feeling a sense of being misunderstood, having crushes on men who are not single

Somewhat selfish but justifiable desires: To have the girl playing Penelope in "See How They Run" drop out so that I can have that role, to sing "Baby It's Cold Outside" for pre-show at Playmill Christmas, to be the script librarian in the theatre department next year, to be a more integral part of Comic Frenzy, to visit Jen in Utah, to come into several thousand dollars to take care of bills for the next (and past) several years, to spend the 3 week vacation in Hawai'i.

Things to be grateful for: Rebekah, the Playmill, the quotebooks, extra strength Pamprin, wool socks, and David Bowie.

Diary of an Assistant Stage Manager

A day by day account of the rehearsal process of BYU-Idaho's "Crazy For You," from the point of view of yours truly. Since the show's been running successfully for three nights in a row, I figured now was the best time to publish this.

January 23
Two weeks before the show opens. It feels like a lot of time. But then, in moments of blazing clarity (and panic), I realize that it’s actually not. Hyrum keeps confusing me when it comes to the chairs that we’re supposed to be using in each scene.

January 24
Our Polly has only tried on 2 costumes. I’m becoming concerned. The double Zangler scene looks great...definitely one of my favorite parts of the show. I wonder how many bottles there are actually supposed to be on the bar. Hm.

January 26
Spent a good hour or so after rehearsal concentrating on the tedious task of removing tape from the stage. Wow, was that boring. I still have tape under my nails. The show’s coming along, and I can tell it’s going to be great. It’s nice to have to continuity of running entire acts. I’m attempting to stem the tide of panic and responsibility awaiting me as soon as the Stage Manager leaves the stage for the booth and leaves me in charge of everything down here.

January 27
Double rehearsal today...morning and night! Hyrum had one of his obligatory tantrums at tonight’s work-through. He threw a music stand and said “I need to go away for awhile, because I’m just done with all of you.” He returned to find everyone rehearsing again, somewhat more focused this time, and for the record, he did 10 neutral breaths while gone.

January 29
Had a nightmare last night that we were trying to work scene changes, but we couldn’t because all of the set pieces were floating a few feet above the stage. We finally worked out a system of magnets to hold everything down, which proved to be problematic since everyone in the show wears tap shoes. The car came in today and it looks fantastic! Jenny ripped her pants on a “scary nail” in the hood where she hides, but it’s taped up now, and by tomorrow maybe we’ll have the car running. The fact that its a rental worth thousands of dollars scares the --------- outta me.

January 30
Rehearsal from hell. Tried to work scene changes as best I could without enough knowledge of where things are and who can move them. On the bright side, the car is running! Now we’ve just got to figure out how it can enter in between the lighting poles like its supposed to in Act II, without also hitting the flat directly in front of it. Hyrum finished choreographing “I Got Rhythm” tonight, at last. Only 2 more numbers to finish before we open in a week. Got enough people to help with scene changes and props and all tonight, so we should be good to go by tomorrow night. With the exception of that stupid abandoned theatre scene. I’ll have to apologize tomorrow to anyone I might have snapped at. And spend several hours assigning scene changes.

January 31
I stayed up until 3:30 in the morning working out scene changes, set arrangements, and prop assignments. I had to call into work with a “family emergency” in order to get everything done today that I needed to. Lord forgive me my white lie. Rehearsal was terrifying, but I think it was productive. The costumes look great. We spiked everything tonight. Not sure how that’s going to work out, since the stage still has to be painted. I accidentally almost sent about 6 chairs back to the ranch today in an effort to get organized. Thank goodness they stayed in the shop.

February 1
Another late night CHANGING scene changes. And of course it’s still not final. But we’re getting closer! I’ve decided that “Slap That Bass” is going to be my own personal dance solo backstage during this show. Mostly for Mallori, because she’s the only one who can see me. =) The orchestra was here tonight, and they sounded great! It really is going to be a fantastic show. It’s still nitty-gritty, but it’s getting smoother. We only did Act II tonight, so it’s before 11pm and I’m HOME! How great is that? I don’t know what it is about Riley, but he makes me laugh so much. Onstage and off. I’m glad for people like him. And God bless Cameron Boyle for his patience, good attitude, comfort, and smile! He’s keeping me sane during these rehearsals.

February 2
Hoorah for smoother rehearsals! Which were filled with awkwardness, for some weird reason. Dan kissed my teeth today. And I kept trying to say funny things that didn’t quite...work out the way I planned, or that didn’t get the reaction I hoped for. I think tomorrow I’m going to type up the REAL actual FINAL scene change list.

February 3
Whew! Rehearsal mania. Morning and night today...holy cow, it was overwhelming. I had to be there at 9 this morning, which was an experience that reminded me that I am NOT a morning person. Jordan playing the piano this morning was my sustaining force. That, and Cameron, as always. Adventures today consisted of finalizing the scene change list at last, and then changing it again during the highly necessary scene tech tonight, which we had since our male lead couldn’t make it to rehearsal. Poor Dan has bruised ribs and is in need of a root canal and so was in rehearsal with moderate amounts of pain and exorbitant amounts of prescription painkillers. Props to Jenny Farley for bravery! Today will go down in history as one of the first and only times I’ve ever seen anyone stand up to Hyrum’s bullying, and ask for a little respect! And she wasn’t rude or snotty about it! It was fantastic, and I was so proud of her! I decided tonight that I’m not cut out for stage managing, and I don’t enjoy it. Too complicated. I think my system might react poorly to the 4 or 5 Hostess Ding Dongs I consumed during rehearsal tonight.

February 5
Invited dress! The audience was fantastic, although somewhat...what’s the word Hyrum used?... “animalistic” at times. It went really well, no huge disasters, no ridiculous scene change catastrophes. My favorite part was the fact that in the last scene with the car, they opened the hood to “fix” it and found me sitting in it with a little sign that said “Great Dress Rehearsal.” But it felt like it was just what we needed to have a successful opening night!

February 6
We did it! We opened! Successfully! No injuries, no disasters, it was great! Here’s to a fantastic show! I’m so tired I can’t even think of anything else to say about it.

And a great picture of Jenny Mae, Beckah, and Dan from the show to end with!

You're hot like a crunchwrap supreme. Ciminoom lips and all.

Someday I want to do a study comparing the effects of sleepiness with the effects of alcohol. I know for sure you say things and occasionally take pictures that you regret later. Me + Jenny Mae + facebook + Valentine's day candy + no sleep = the following facebook communications. I have a feeling I'll be embarrassed about publishing this later.

1:51am
Liz: I just wanted to be part of the facebook messaging group. The inappropriate thing I was going to say to Jeff was something along the lines of "Let's make a baby" but then I remembered that we're not quite that good of friends yet. If I were Peter Pan, you'd be my happy thought.

1:53am
Jenny: oh that was funny. How funny did you think it was? I personally would say it was about a hippopotamus' size of funny.

1:56am
Liz: More like a love of George Micheal size funny. I hate the name Micheal because I never know how to spell it. It looks right if you put the e before the a OR after it and I always think of Micheal Jackson and get distracted by mental dancing. I get to work at noon tomorrow HHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH for tacos. Let's run away to find the treasure, just the two of us.

1:57am
Jenny: While thoughts of writing on your wall were passing through my head, I scrolled down my profile and was about to write
SEX ME PLEASE
on my own wall. how silly would that be? quite quite, yes I aggree.

1:59am
Jenny: I love treasure. it makes me feel like I am a pirate. But apparently you can
t be a pirate AND a ninja, and Jeff says I'm a ninja. Oh, but my love for George Michael or Micheal or Mike-ale or Miedkgnle is veryyyyyyyyyy (not veeerrrrryyy, emphasis on the y) large. And I'm not sure what happened tonight was that funny. ps check your wall.

2:03am
Liz: I'm doing it. Uhhmm...write it on my own wall, not do the thing that you almost wrote on your wall. This late-night face-book fun is better than sex.

2:03am
Liz: SEX ME PLEASE

2:04am
Liz: ps: CHECK YOUR WALL. AND MINE. Sorry for yelling. Emphasis on the y. Hie you over to your wall, I should say. Ha ha Scots are funny. And they wear skillets. I mean kilts. AND NO SKIVVIES!!!!!!!! I want to take my pants on but then Beckah's laptop will get all sweaty.

2:10am
Jenny: we should do this as our daily ab work out. I think I would like to take my pants on too. You know, and be a jolly good sport about it. Righteo! I farted 4 times in a row.

2:14am
Jenny: I have to tell you, emphasis on the y, that your message made no sense, not sence, to me. Oh my typing spellin gis so poor. I swear if there was no such thing as a back space You couldn''t understand what I am telling you. OOOOOOOOOOOO a whale of a tale and its all true I swear by my taboo!

2:17am
Liz: Sport should be fartings. I'm leaving it, I'm not changing it.I'm going to type you a song:
You can dance if you want to!
You can leave your pants behind!
Cause your pants don't dance and if they don't dance
Then they ain't no pants of mine!
You can dance!
You can dance!
Everybody take off your pants!
Or you can take them on. Strippers don't wear clothes. They also don't have laptops resting on their thighs. No sweat. I think I might be asleep right now. Everything makes sense to me. (I need to go home.) I think that I want to publish this message history someplace where people can laugh at it. We should publish it as an ab video! Like, instead of pilates, read roomate facebook 2 am messaging!

2:20am
Jenny: I almost did it again, but i forgot what awkward thing I was going to write on my wall. Oh yeah I was going to tell youa story about when my friend was in a really bad mood, she came to me by night, no she didn't, she came to me, well actually I was already there, so she walked up to me, ok so i was standing there and and she wanted to tell me something. But she did tell me something so I guess that was what I meant to say, it was more than just a desire. Yes it was put into place she came up to me, no. She said to me in this friendly way, because that was what we were, friends. Anyway she said "cheer me up!" because she was sad. I told you that already. Sorry. I don't mean to twell you something twice its just when something is importatn I gotta get it off my chest. So you know how I responded, to cheer her up?
MY BOOBS ARE ON FIRE!

2:21am
Liz: You swear by your taboo? I always feel silly when I say that word. Like a monkey.

2:27am
Jenny: there comes a day wehen you gotta look the potato of injustice right in the eye!! cause life is like a mop. Gets full of dirt and bugs and crap. you gotta rinse it out. and sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad, a mop, a mop won't do it. You gotta get down on the floor with a tuthbrush (yes, i know I spelled it wrong DEAL WITH IT). and if that doesn't work. you can't give up! (unnecissary period, don't know what i was thinking htere) you gotta go to the window and yell, hey! These floors are dirty as hell, and I;m not gonna take it anymore!

2:28am
Jenny: monkey monkey monkey. Oh, I just realized this is MY wall...

2:30am
Liz: You broke my heart in two. I'll always keep that pedestal for you!

2:36am
Liz: We both updated our statuses...stati? to be the same joke that only we understand! Ha ha ha. I'm feeling a little flustered here. I better just go back to playing my harmonica.

2:41am
Liz: There comes a time in every young woman's life when she should go to bed. I think I'm nearing that time. 3 o clock. I will be in bed. Remember when you were a rocking chair. Good times.

2:42am
Liz: You're a snifty winker. It sounds like a Willy Wonka candy, I know, but you'd be surprised how UNLIKE a Willy Wonka candy it is.

2:43am
Jenny: Ya, harmonicas always sooth me too. It reminds me of the good ole days when i would sit up on cherry tree rd and chase the ice cream man with my bloody sock to see if he would pity me enough to give me free ice cream. Or when I got a little older, and decided that one... apparently I am snifty. Maybe that is what my status should be. anyway, one brother was not enough so I folded a blanket up and took it to ...ok this story sucks. and its all lies! ALL OF IT, LIES! I'm a monster!

2:46am
Jenny: Jenny is hie, don't worry about it. Jenny's mood depends on the amount of ciminoom lips she eats. Now her legs are the sweaty ones. Liz, what just happened to her compute.

2:47am
Liz: Why were your sock bloody? You're my hero, ciminoom lip master.

2:48am
Jenny: I was one with that rocking chair. hooooooooommm. empahsis on the om. um, good idea. lets go to bed.

2:57am
Liz: I like it when you dance. Dance for me every day. Like a rocking chair. My toe ring feels silly on my toe right now. Perhaps its done being a toe ring. Maybe it decided to become a defense lawyer. Mmm, lawyers are hot. And not the ciminoom kind. Is cinnamin spicy or hot? Or I should say, am I spicy or hot? Like a crunchwrap. SUPREME.

2:58am
Jenny: I like how we both decided sleep was good but we both refuse to do so!

2:59am
Liz: I think I'm going in 2 mintues. I always mispell that word when I'm typing it and "mintues" sounds like the name of minty chocolate Austrian candies.

3:18am
Jenny: I really like crunchwrap supremes! Supremes ont he house! Ohana is supremem eating of crunch wrappers of crunch and supremitity. Ha, I wrote tity.