Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Normally, I don't do stuff like this, and I'm trying not to post 2 days in a row, but THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Remember our awesome friends Carrie and Scott? Scott is TIED FOR 2ND PLACE to be on Cheapster TV and win $10,000 for his wife and baby. I'm serious. But he needs your facebook vote. Go like his picture on Cheapster Hopefuls. See, here's a link. If you don't do it, you have no soul, because it's Scott's birthday and all he wants is for you to like his picture on Cheapster Hopefuls. I'm serious.

Here's a picture of Scott being really happy that you're liking his picture on Cheapster Hopefuls:

After YOU'VE liked his picture, tell everyone you know to do the same. I normally HATE shameless self-promotions like this, but Scott on a TV show would be America's dream come true, and they just had a baby, and he would use the prize money to pay off student loans. So they kinda deserve this.

So why are you still reading? Go like his picture. 

Monday, September 26, 2011

Mr. Cornell, ah have tried to be reasonable...

Dear allergies,

This has GOT to stop. You have GOT to leave me alone. When we first started out together, things were going well, but...okay, I lied. It was never going well. It's time to get the message and hit the road. I've been trying to drop hints for MONTHS now. Allegra, Zyrtec, Claritin, Benadryl, allergenic bedsheets, and air purifiers. I don't know why you haven't tuned in to all this, but I don't know how else I can tell you that I am NOT INTERESTED.

If I have one more allergy attack, I'm cutting off my nose.

Love (or NOT),

(The title of this blog is a line from the most overdone monologue in the history of contemporary theatre. Star-Spangled Girl. If you ever audition for something, don't use this monologue.)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

26 Things to do While 26

image via weheartit

My dear friend Carrie does this thing every year on her birthday: Things to do while she's a certain age, with 1 thing for every year she is old. That sounded confusing, but I mean she comes up with "25 Things to do While 25," "26 Things to do While 26," etc. (Yeah, that makes much more sense.) Anyway, she's inspired me. So I've come up with my own, even though I'm about a month late. They aren't terribly lofty goals, and many are fairly easy. In fact, a lot of these are things that I've been "meaning to do" over the last few years, and have just never gotten around to. If I put them on a list, I'll HAVE to do them. =)

1. Reach this important goal that doesn't get to be shared with everyone. (Sorry.)

2. Attend a Parson Red Heads show.

3. Read 25 new books.

4. Hike Inspiration Point at Jenny Lake.

5. Learn to cook 5 new things.

6. Finish the current volume of my journal.

7. Go through the temple for 5 family names.

8. Learn to ride a motorcycle bigger than 110 cc’s.

9. Finish writing the first draft (at least) of the “Kirby Novel.”

10. Anonymously pay for a stranger's meal.

11. Get a 3.4 GPA each semester.

12. Give someone a copy of the Book of Mormon.

13. Sleep under the stars.

14. Travel to someplace I've NEVER been before.

15. Go sledding. (This sounds so easy, but I say I'm going to go every year, and have YET to actually go.)

16. Bake a pumpkin pie.

17. Complete the scrapbook for the trip to Germany my family made in high school.

18. Finish the New York City travel diary.

19. Learn Hindi basics...be able to say your standard beginner conversational phrases. ("Hello, how are you?" "Where is the train station?" "It will rain today." You know.)

20. Read 5 Shakespeare plays I haven't read before.

21. Go horseback riding.

22. Sew a skirt for myself.

23. Build an online acting resume.

24. Ride the carousel at Porter Park.

25. Run a mile in under 15 minutes. (I know this sounds pathetic. It is. But running has never been my strongest...thing. It's possible that I have sports-induced asthma, but I'm probably just really really really out of shape. I could put the goal "Get in shape," but I know it's not specific enough for me. The mile in under 15 minutes goal is specific enough and measurable enough for me to accomplish it. Even though I'll still probably get tested for asthma...)

26. Make a painting...a real, on-a-canvas painting, with paint. I've done plenty of artwork in my life, including lots of set painting, but I've never tried just a straight up PAINTING. I'm gonna do acrylics, since I'm most familiar with them, and because I already have a TON. And I'm thinking from a "gridded image"...I'm sure there's an official artistic term for this, but I sure don't know what it is. I'm in the process of brainstorming exactly what to paint. I'm not a huge fan of still lifes, but human figures/faces are a little beyond my training and ability at the moment. I keep coming back to images from the Hubble telescope. CONS: Light. That's hard. Painting luminosity. PROS: Wiggle-room for creativity/mistakes. If I don't paint a face correctly, you'll know it. But if I don't paint a star system correctly, I'll say it's a fantasy world. =)

What are you going to do in this year of your life?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


When Jacob was on his mission, his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. For him, it was sort of a strange experience, because he stayed on his mission, and most of the cancer experience was over by the time he got home. It wasn't as bad as it could be, and Kristi's been in remission for 2 or 3 years now.

I've been thinking about something she said she learned from her cancer, and that was to take things one day at a time. Jacob recently pointed out that I have a tendency to decide an outcome before it happens, and upon reflection, I was startled to discover that he was right. And that I was limiting myself and sorrowing and fearing a lot more than I would be otherwise because of it.

So I want to take things one day at a time. I'm still all for time management...I'll still plan my weeks and make to-do lists when needed. But the big picture demands a surrender to whatever happens. And a joy in that surrender. A "saying yes to your universe" as Jacob and I have begun to say.

I might not be on that cast list. The bills might be higher than we budgeted for. The weather might be colder than I wanted. Trips to see friends might not happen, and people may move away. But in the grand scheme of things, it will be all right.

I'll just take it one day at a time.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Slice of Life

photo via (Isn't this a cool photo? I love it.)

A few random updates:

School started! We're still settling in, but I think we've got a good semester going. Still waiting on the cast list for "Drowsy Chaperone" (fingers crossed), so the routine isn't quite in place yet. It's hitting me that this is my last school year at BYU-Idaho. This place has been part of my life for so long; it's weird to think it'll be over soon. Although, this year I'm noticing how very young the freshmen look. And I feel like I'm outgrowing things here. Maybe it's time to move on. Graduation 2012, here we go.

I'm playing Caliban in a Children's Theatre/Reader's Theatre adaptation of "The Tempest." It feels good to do a show again, even if I'm playing a man. Slash monster. (Wouldn't be the first time.) Incidentally, "The Tempest" was the very first theatrical production I ever auditioned for. Phoenix High, 1999. I didn't make it, but I did have a huge crush on the guy who played Caliban in that production. I don't think I'll make any freshmen girls swoon with my portrayal, though. I'm also designing the sound for the show, which is exciting.

Jacob and I are watching (in segments) the recent David Tennet production of "Hamlet" and we're loving it. Polonius is a gem in this production. Anyone else seen it? I think we're going to start a collection of film adaptations of Shakespeare plays. 

This may be slightly graphic, but I have 2 plantar warts, and I got one of those do-it-yourself-freeze-away things from Walmart, because enough is enough. I used it today and it was one of the most bizarre experiences I've had. I watched/felt my flesh freeze. With chemicals. By my own hand. I'll let you know if it worked.

Avast, all ye scurvy bilge rats! A reminder, me hearties! Monday be "International Talk Like A Pirate Day"! Aside from that blustery holiday o' Christmas, it be one o' me favorite holidays o' the year! So, all ye salty dogs and land lubbers, awaken yer inner buccaneer on the morn o' September 19th! YAARRGGGHHH!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Blog Stats

So I recently rediscovered the “Stats” thingy on blogger. I’ve looked at it a few times before, back when I was sort of freaking out about how many new followers I had, but then I worked through that and completely forgot about the “Stats” page. (PS: If you want to check the stats out on your own blog, just go to make a new post and one of the tabs at the top says “Stats.”) Anyway, I’ve made some bizarre discoveries about my blog.

First of all, the most often-viewed entry on my entire blog is this one, in which I reveal the cast list for BYU-Idaho’s production of Macbeth. It has been viewed 1,111 times. Which doesn’t make sense to me because it doesn't strike me as a very interesting blog post. But whatever.

The second most-viewed entry on my blog is one in which I discuss my search for bedding for Jacob and I’s full-size bed. That page has been viewed 937 times. Which DOES make sense to me because I found some really awesome bedding to post about.

And the third most-viewed entry is actually not surprising at all, because it’s a re-posting of a thing called “Date a girl who reads” that I found and fell in love with. And apparently other people fell in love with it too because it’s been viewed 814 times.

Other popular posts include a discussion of the best movie kisses of all time, and a debate about the amount of time BYU-Idaho girls vs. EFY girls put into their appearance, that was intended as a joke but got taken WAY too seriously in BYU-Idaho's newspaper.

But here’s my favorite part. You can see what search keywords have led people to your blog, and how many people searched for that thing and found your blog. Check this out:

comma – 89 (What? I don't understand a - Why someone would search for "comma" and b - How it would lead them to my blog?)

awesome bedding – 50

saruman guitar – 32 (Does anyone have any idea what this means?)

awesome bedspreads – 28

byu idaho – 27

college isn’t the place to go for ideas – 27

she may be naked but she’s not stupid – 27 (See, this one makes sense…)

byu girls nude – 15 (THIS ONE MAKES ME MAD. I feel sort of snobbily righteous –which is an oxymoron – that someone was looking for something dirty and found my blog instead. HA! You wanted porn, and you get intellectual discussions and humorous stories and inspiration instead!)

janis joplin greatest hits – 15 (I don’t quite get this one because I LOVE Janis Joplin, but I don’t remember blogging about her very often…)

and the last one, which is my favorite:
shark bedding – 14

Bam. I like that searches for bedding seem to be my biggest traffic source.

Anyway, I'm kind of really happy that my blog is reaching so many people. It took me awhile to figure out how I felt about it...my little blog that was originally started to update friends and family. I don't have a specific audience of niche (fashion, wedding inspirations, or whatever). I just write about what is on my mind, be it funny or poetic or an attempt at inspiration or an intellectual discussion. And I'm glad it seems to be reaching people. I'm glad to return the favor...so many people have inspired me with their writing, and I'm honored and humbled to have a chance to do the same thing. When I get 300 followers, we'll have some sort of celebration.

Because here's the thing. I love my readers. You guys rock.

I know that for a while now I've been all "Gah what the heck everyone reads my blog and I don't know who I am" and stuff. But I've worked through that. And I'm really glad to have you here. I've been reading through a few popular blogs a lot lately (like hyperbole and a half and seriously so blessed), and I've been inspired by these bloggers. And I've decided to embrace my readership! I'm still not going to link-swap, or do giveaways, or plug my blog all over the internet. But if people find it, and dig it, and follow it, my heart will swell with joy.

So a hearty
to all of you dear readers, whether I know you or not. Keep on rocking the internet world.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

On September 11, 2001, I had just turned 16

(You might want to get a snack. It's a long post.)

image via cnn.com

I've been thinking a lot about 9/11 today. It seems most people have been, so it's a little irrelevant to mention that fact. Still. I've got a lot of thoughts swirling and I'm not sure how to articulate them, but I'm going to try. I'm so wary of cliches, but I'm not sure how to talk about September 11th without using a few. (I'm not that developed of a writer yet.) So if the cliches are present, please forgive me for them.

When we were very small, some of us had the school assignment of interviewing our parents about where they were when President Kennedy was shot, and their experience. A friend recently pointed out that our own children will probably have school assignments asking us the same question about 9/11. Jacob and I teach the 7-year-olds in Primary, and today I was going to ask them what they remembered about that day, before realizing with a jolt that all of it happened 3 years before they were born. I asked them if they knew what was special about today anyway, and most of their parents had told them. But it's something that they'll only ever hear about, and not remember. My sister talks about the "before" and "after" worlds of 9/11. But the children we teach in Sunday School have only ever experienced the "after." They were born into a world of heightened airport security, into a vocabulary that includes "terrorist" and "jihad" and "Taliban." Words that had never entered my own lexicon until my junior year in high school, early in the school year.

The truth is I don't remember many details from that day. My journal entries from that time promise thoughts about the attacks, but a (understandably) juvenile focus on boys and cast lists and self-identity crises replaced the promised descriptions. The entry from September 20th mentions the event, with unsatisfying brevity:

Well, it's been a while since I've written, so you deserve an update! I'm sure when I read this years hence, or when my posterity reads it, they may think of the date September 11, 2001 (or 9-11). Well, on that day, between 8-9 am, 2 United Airlines flights were high-jacked by terrorist groups and crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center. Another was flown into the Pentagon, and yet another, supposedly bound for the White House, crashed on-course in Pennsylvania. America has been attacked. (But not defeated.) A brief account for posterity and my own remembrance...BUT, not today (tonight, actually). It's an hour past bed-time and so, it will have to wait till tomorrow. 

My words sound so clinical to me now, even callous. But September 11th affected me deeply. When I was little, my parents worried about how sensitive I was...as I grew older, I learned to cope a little bit better, but I was still known to weep at car accidents. I know I wrote a poem about 9/11, cliche and vague, but heartfelt. But I think I never wrote about September 11th because it hurt me. I kept waiting until I was ready to write about it.

It's been 10 years, and I think I'm ready now.

My sister Annalicia woke me up with news about something, but I had been dreaming (about a dinosaur, I remember) and dismissed her 12-year-old rantings and tried to sleep for a few more minutes. But when I came into the living room later, I know the television must have been on, because I remember that I found out what had happened right after I fully woke up. I remember feeling this sense of disconnect between what was happening on the other coast and the daily needs to get ready for school--brushing my teeth and packing my backpack felt insensitive somehow with the news showing what it was showing. Normally, there was this rush to get to the bus stop on time, but I remember that being sort of suspended.

On a normal school day, the available members of my family gathered in the living room to kneel for a prayer before leaving for school/work. We were all there that morning. I remember kneeling together and watching the news, waiting for a moment to mute the television and pray. It was a little before 8:00 am. And as we knelt and watched, the first tower collapsed. My most vivid memory of the entire day was of that moment. My stepmom began to cry the moment the tower began to fall, and said "Oh, Curt! All those people!" I remember that her tears scared me almost as much as what I was seeing.

I was astounded at the sight. I don't think I would have registered it as real if my stepmom hadn't said what she did. It was too surreal...too like the movies. I couldn't comprehend the fact that I was watching people die. It was too big of a thought for me. And even though it's 10 years later, my mind still hasn't grown quite enough to encompass something that big.

I don't remember that school day. I'm sure we must have been watching the news and talking about what was happening/had happened. I remember that over the next few days, teachers made sure we could talk if we needed to. I remember talking about it in Spanish class, and all of us trying to talk about something we couldn't quite grasp, in a language that wasn't our own. I remember my Spanish teacher saying, "Para mi, los imagenes mas inquietante son de las personas que salto de las ventanas." ("For me, the most disturbing images are of the people who jumped from the windows.") I don't remember anything about my family or friends talking about it. I wish I did. I like to think that I stood with my friends in that spot in the courtyard, in front of the choir room, Amanda and Brette and Kristen and Evan and I all crying together. I think we must have.

I could write my thoughts about what I now realize are the political effects of that day. Or about how phrases like "We will never forget" confuse me because I don't see how anyone COULD forget. Or about how I long for the day when people stop wanting revenge and start wanting all of humanity to be blessed. I could reminisce about visiting Ground Zero in 2005. But those things don't seem particularly important tonight. So I'll end with this memory. If there's any moment that captures how I felt during that time, it's this memory.

That year, the Fall Choir Concert became, in part, a 9/11 Tribute. I was in the main Concert Choir, with most of my closest friends. We sang an a cappella song called "The Prayer of the Children" as our tribute song. We all cried the first time we heard the recording of what we were going to sing. It was early October, and we were rehearsing for the show. The school year had just started, but things had sort of begun to settle. Danny Thompson hadn't dropped out yet, and Mrs. Tadema was the new salvation of the Drama Department. Amanda Kerth still had braces, and Kristen Wurtz had just gotten her license and an old orange VW bug, and Evan Way was the love of everyone's life.

That day, choir was almost over, and we were going through all the other songs in our repertoire. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, all the lights went out. After the expected screams and nudges, we sat and waited for the lights to come on, so Mrs. Brock could see her sheet music and accompany us. There was some dim light coming in from the windows in the double doors of the choir room. What happened next sounds like something from a movie, but it was one of those beautiful rare moments when life really does shine that brightly. I don't remember who it was, but someone said, "Hey. Let's sing 'Prayer of the Children.'" Mrs. Brock gave us our starting notes, and we began to sing. And slowly we began to stand up, one by one. I remember taking the hands of the people standing next to me. I remember very dimly seeing the tears on Mrs. Brock's face as she directed us, even though we couldn't see her very well. And I remember the whole thing suddenly hitting me...realizing that this moment was our tribute. Of realizing what it meant to sing those words. Realizing that 40 young voices singing the hurt and the healing and the terror and the hope of a September morning in 2001 was bigger than the tribute concert we were planning or the young poetry we were writing or the talks we were having in Spanish class. I remember the way it didn't matter that we could barely see each other for the darkness, and I remember the fullness of the silence right after we finished.

That's what I remember about September 11th.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Funny words, part whatever

Before I share quotes, let's talk about this picture for a moment. Because it's currently one of my favorite things that I've ever come across. (I think something was grammatically incorrect in that sentence, but I can't put my finger on what...) I get a lot of blog pictures from a website called weheartit.com, and when I searched "laughter," this was one of the images that came up. And it's full of things that make it awesome.
1. Baby.
2. Camel.
3. The baby is laughing.
4. The camel is laughing.
5. Wind.
How could one go wrong with those elements? One can't.

Anyway, it occurred to me that it's been quite a while since I did a "Recent Quotebook Gems" post. Part of the problem is that I only live with 1 person now, so there aren't as many people around to say funny things, although Jacob carries his weight well in that department. Also, I've just gotten lazy about writing things down. But here are some favorites of the last few months:

"I murdered thousands of babies in my dream last night!" (pause) "Wait. That was supposed to be funny. But I said it wrong." --Liz

"I loved NPH's opening. And I really need to read 'The Normal Heart.' And Norbert Leo Butz has no bones." --Beckah, on the Tony Awards

"Isn't it wonderful to be fat, cousin Waldren?" --Jacob, in an improv game

Jordan: (to his 3-week-old daughter) "You're not old enough yet to appreciate my sense of humor.
Heather: I don't think she'll EVER be old enough for that...

"I guess it doesn't really have a part, does it? It's just...one eternal round." --Jordan Tollman, on Justin Beiber's hair

"His singing was like...a marshmallow on fire. You're like 'This could be awesome, because it's fiery.' But it's still just a marshmallow." --Jacob

"Hint of sodomy in his voice, wouldn't you say, Treacle?" --Jacob/Jordan, in "Godot" rehearsal

Jacob: I have to go to the bathroom!
Liz: You ALWAYS have to go to the bathroom!
Jacob: I have bad contraptions!

"We're theatre people. We're like minotaurs." --Seve

"These stupid babies are always LEARNING things!" --Jacob

Melissa: I know why Jacob's balding! We learned at school. He has too much testosterone. Testosterone causes hair loss.
Liz: Really? So if he takes estrogen, he'll keep his hair?
Melissa: Yeah. He'll also grow breasts.

(addressing his computer, in a low and threatening voice) "Turn on, laptop!" (pause) "If that is your real name..." --Jacob

Liz: What if your baby is so cute that you DIE?!
Carrie: I'm more afraid I'll eat it.

Jacob: (doing homework) Hmmm...subjective complement...
Liz: Subjective thank you.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Grump

When I was a kid, and mad about something, my mom would have me go into my room and scream into/hit a pillow. I would do that now, but I fear it would exhaust me.*

Know what SUCKS? Getting your wisdom teeth out.

The stupid thing is that, compared to many others, I’ve actually had a really good experience. No swelling, no infection. No violent illness of any sort.

It’s just that my jaw hurts like HELL, so I have painkillers. But those painkillers make me woozy and sleepy and light-headed. So I can either be in incredible pain, or woozy. Either way, I’m sort of stuck lying around and not doing much. Which would be cool if we lived somewhere other than Rexburg, where there were more things to do.

It's a Catch-22. I start to get stir-crazy and feeling rotten just sitting around the house, so I get up and do things. Which exhaust me and make me feel woozy and unwell. Maybe I should find some moderation or something...

Sorry about the complaining. I’ve been going crazy for days now.

It didn't help that it was Labor Day Weekend and EVERYTHING WAS CLOSED. I’ve sort of exhausted photoshop tutorials and Netflix Instant Viewing. Now that we've made a trip to the library and gotten a few new puzzles, maybe I'll find my rose-colored glasses again. In the meantime, I'm grumpy about the entire situation.

(PS: That is one good thing about this...I'm getting way better at using photoshop. I have time to learn nowadays. And download-able photoshop brushes are AMAZING. I can make neat things like this. Which isn't really anything...it's just me learning how to do a few different things on photoshop. But it's got the potential to BECOME something, yeah? Neat, yeah?)

*This is a method that I'm still a firm believer in, and plan on advising my own kids to use. Gets the little kid aggression out in a physical way without causing damage to persons or feelings.

UPDATE: After a short cry, a good cuddle, an encouraging pep-talk from Jacob, and a good movie, I am doing much better. Sometimes you gotta break down a little before things are looking up again. Thanks for your words of encouragement, dear readers.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Things I'm Looking Forward To

I feel like I'm blogging a lot. I've written like two more posts that I haven't posted yet, because that's just too many posts. But the library is closed for Labor Day Weekend, and there's not much else to do around here. Anyway, here are things I'm looking forward to:

The library being open.

Getting my books from Amazon.com on Wednesday.

My mouth and I being friends again.

Eating solid and nutritious and fulfilling foods.

My birthday? It's on Thursday. Although given the circumstances, plans are sort of up in the air at the moment. But I still love my birthday.

General Conference. I know that's in October, and that means cold and autumn and all that. But I really love General Conference.

School starting. I know, I'm nerdy. But the current routine is beginning to bore me, and I'm ready for a change of pace. I'm sure I'll regret this in a few weeks, but in the meantime, school/work sounds really awesome to me.

Cuddling with Jacob. Recovering from wisdom tooth extraction, with all its attending drugs and discomforts and side effects, has made me even more cuddly than usual. And lately, all I want to do is let my head find that place between his neck and shoulder and stay there forever.

Which is what I think I'm going to do right now.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Coming out from being under

So Jacob told me later about some of the things I said and did while waking up from the anesthesia. Here are a handful of them. He keeps regretting not having recorded it. But here are rough ideas of what he remembers. The majority of these things were repeated several times.

The first thing I said when waking up was: "There was a raccoon in the tent! It was trying to get in." (I have two phobias: raccoons and medical procedures. Apparently the presence of one inspired worry about the other.)

Me: Are we in the same room?
Jacob: Yeah. You're just facing a different direction.
(5 minutes later)
Me: Are we in the same room?
Jacob: Did you ask if we're in the same room?
Me: Yeah.
Jacob: Yeah, we're in the same room. You're facing a different direction.
Me: Oh yeah.
(5 minutes later)
Me: Are we in the same room?

Me: My tongue feels big. Is my tongue okay? I don't know if my tongue is there. Can you see my tongue?
Jacob: Yeah, your tongue is there.
Me: I don't want to swallow it.

Me: Am I crazy?
Jacob: Like are you acting weird?
Me: Yeah.
Jacob: Kind of. You know that "David After Dentist" video on youtube? It's like that.
Me: *giggling*

Me: There's a boa constrictor on my arm.
Jacob: That's not a boa constrictor. That's a blood pressure cuff.
Me: (pause) Like at Walmart?
Jacob: Yeah.
Liz: Oh.
(I apparently asked about why my arm hurt several times, and kept having to be reminded that it was the blood pressure cuff. I actually remember saying the boa constrictor thing again later as a joke, but anesthesia makes your timing a little off, and I remember thinking that my delivery wasn't as good as I had envisioned.)

Me: Water? Can I have water? My throat is dry.
Jacob: (trying to help me take a drink from a water bottle, but it was an epic fail and went down my shirt instead of into my entirely numb mouth) I'm sorry. Did you get any that time?
Me: Yeah. On my boobies.
(5 minutes later)
Me: Why are my boobies cold?
Jacob: (explaining the water incident)
Me: Oh yeah.

And the things I said the most often were variations on this speech. I had been pretty terrified, as my previous post explained, and Jacob said I was absolutely blissfully, childishly happy about having survived the ordeal. I kept saying things to this effect:
"I did it! And you helped me! I'm a champion! And you're a champion cause you helped me! I beat it. I kicked it in the balls! I did it. Jacob helped me and Jesus helped me and Jordan helped me, and I'm a champion." (I also named Jacob, Jordan, Jesus, the nurses, the receptionist and Dr. Lee as champions for helping me as well.)

Also, one of these monologues included Jacob saying "Yeah, you did do it!" and me replying "I love you so much and I'm going to have your babies." Another one ended with me saying "You helped me. And you're a champion. And you have great abs."

Friday, September 2, 2011

On "being a champion"

 I had my wisdom teeth removed today. I know that's not a big deal for most people, but I've got a phobia and a half about medical procedures, so this was a big challenge for me. The fact that it turned out well (so far) has been a pretty awesome thing, so I thought I'd share it here...both by way of giving an update, and by way of encouraging any readers who have similar fears. Because you can DO IT! Even if it seems scary and impossible! 

Anyway, here's the update e-mail I sent to my family about the experience. 

Hello family!

Funny that Dad just sent an e-mail telling you about a surgery that DIDN’T take place, since I’m sending a quick e-mail about a surgery that DID take place! But don’t worry, it was just wisdom tooth extraction.

That’s right. After many years, those babies have finally been taken out. School starts on Sept. 12th, and I’m off Mom’s dental insurance on Sept. 30th, so we decided to bite the bullet while we still could. Which meant that I called the oral surgeon my dentist recommended YESTERDAY, and they scheduled an appointment for TODAY. Which is good because it only gave me about 24 hours to freak myself out. Which I did a decent job of anyway, but I survived!

I was pretty scared…I’ve got a pretty severe phobia of medical procedures still, but I’m using a lot of different techniques to overcome and move forward. I spent about 80% of my thinking time last night/this morning saying to myself “I-can-do-this-I-can-do-this-I-can-do-this.” And every now and then turning to Jacob and saying “I don’t know if I can do this!” But he stuck by me and helped me through, like the encouraging and strong man he is. =) So after a Priesthood blessing with the help of Jordan, and somewhat tearfully explaining to everyone at the office that I would just need to be talked through things, I got an IV with anesthesia, and I DIDN’T PASS OUT, and I DIDN’T THROW UP, and I DIDN’T DIE. And the next thing I knew, I was waking up and my face was numb and my teeth were in a box in Jacob’s pocket. (They’re still there. I think I’ll make a necklace out of them…)

Apparently, coming out of the anesthesia, I kept repeating (or slurring), “I’m a champion! I did it! Jacob helped me, and Jesus helped me, and Jordan helped me, and I did it!” I only remember about half of that. (I also apparently said something about raccoons trying to get into the tent—interesting that another phobia would manifest itself at that moment.)

Anyway, the doctor left me with a few dissolvable stitches, a sheet of post-op instructions, and prescriptions for dexamethason (steroids to keep swelling down), amoxicillin (to avoid infection), and hydrocodone (for pain). And how I am home with a trash can to spit blood into (gross, but I’m trying to avoid swallowing too much), some Gatorade, and movies.

I feel pretty decent…the anesthesia wore off easily, and now I’m just pretty sleepy. And kind of weak. But that’s also because I had to fast for 6 hours before surgery, and now I can’t eat solid things. And my jaw sort of hurts now that it’s not numb, but the drugs take the edge off. Three cheers for modern medicine!

So just wanted to give you all an update. =) Thanks to Mom for helping figure out insurance stuff and giving me words of encouragement, Jacob for helping me through the rough spots, Kristi for helping Jacob bring me home, Jordan for the Priesthood assistance, everyone at the Oral Surgery office for their patience and expertise, God for strengthening my heart, Shakespeare’s Macbeth for helping me get over my fear of blood, Dad for sending me the e-card (even though I still haven't seen it because it's refusing to load), and Dr. Paul Janssen for inventing intraveinous anesthesia.

Love you all!