Saturday, January 31, 2009

Youtube has always been a good cure for boredom...

That last post was rather dreary. Apologies. I won't retract it, because it was how I was feeling at the time, but to assure you that my life isn't ENTIRELY full of "dolor," here's some live action happy for you.

These are just a handful of things that have made me smile lately.

Jordan at Guitars Unplugged. That joke at the opening? That was from me. Just for the record. =)

I'm so excited to be a mother.

A good reason to pay attention in Theory class. Way to go with the flow, Victor Borge!

Women LOVE this.

And this loved many women.

Should you be experiencing the "inexorable sadness of pencils," I hope that you're now tiptoeing through the tulips again soon. Or now, because of youtube.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Vicious Cycles


1. tired of the world; "bored with life"; e.g. "strolled through the museum with a bored air"
2. uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence; "his blase indifference"; "a petulant blase air"; "the bored gaze of the successful film star" [syn: "blase"]

It's a vicious circle, I tell you. At first I just thought I was having a bad week or two, but I'm beginning to suspect that my boredom with this semester is a rather permanent state of things. That whole idea just makes me tired. So tired, in fact, that I can't muster up the energy to get up and do something about it.

A terrible state of affairs.

It's my own fault, I'll readily admit. I could actually go to club meetings or workshops or free classes. I could start/finish any of the several craft projects that have been sitting in boxes for years. I could go out and visit friends, work out, write letters, bake cookies, find a part-time job, or any other number of things. But I don't. I sit at home and organize puzzle pieces. I do the dishes. I get ahead on homework.

I think that deep down, I'm afraid that I'll find something so interesting that it will make it even MORE difficult to find motivation for homework. It's happened in the past. So that's a valid fear, and one that should be avoided. But instead of prioritizing, I'm just eliminating. Which means that not only am I safe, I'm also a bit unhappy.

Not so miserable and hopeless that I wish I wasn't here. Not desperate to get out, not feeling that everything is worthless, or anything similarly catastrophic. I'm just tired. Aware of a conundrum that I haven't quite the courage to figure out. Blogging in the library instead of working on a paper, because I'm bored with it. Suffering through a semester of lower-level classes I've been avoiding because I knew I'd be bored with them. Just becoming familiar again with "the inexorable sadness of pencils." I think this is how I felt in a lot of public school, too, actually. Just bored. Not by any measure of brilliance, but just because I always felt myself to be sort of a square peg being shoved into a round hole most of the time. Because things were moving either too quickly or too slowly, and either way, with a teacher unable to match my pace, without feeling like I belonged somewhere academically, there was nothing to engage me. Now that I'm a grown-up (?), I've learned to buckle down whether I'm engaged or not, but that doesn't make doing homework any more interesting.

Anyway, I'll let Roethke do the rest of my talking for me, since I've got a class to get to soon.

"Dolor" by Theodore Roethke

I have known the inexorable sadness of pencils,
Neat in their boxes, dolor of pad and paper weight,
All the misery of manilla folders and mucilage,
Desolation in immaculate public places,
Lonely reception room, lavatory, switchboard,
The unalterable pathos of basin and pitcher,
Ritual of multigraph, paper-clip, comma,
Endless duplication of lives and objects.
And I have seen dust from the walls of institutions,
Finer than flour, alive, more dangerous than silica,
Sift, almost invisible, through long afternoons of tedium,
Dropping a fine film on nails and delicate eyebrows,
Glazing the pale hair, the duplicate grey standard faces.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Quotation marks make all the difference

Hullo friends!

Well, my sleep schedule is back to normal, I'm happy to report. (Which for me means going to bed sometime around 1am...)

When I got home tonight, I was full of grumpiness at my Spanish class because half of the class doesn't understand the difference between when to use the preterite and when to use the imperfect. This only made me grumpy because I already understood the concept, and I wanted to move on. I'm an academic snob. Sorry.

Anyways, in an effort to cure myself of my grumpiness, I ate a leftover waffle and read the quote-books. And I found some gems that I don't think have been shared yet. So here they are! There are LOTS, so have fun. =)

Should you be grumpy, I hope these make you smile. And if you're smiling, I hope they make you laugh. Enjoy!


"I could never live in a place where the buildings are PINK." --Annie

"I'm so tired that everything that comes out of my mouth sounds Bohemian." --Jordan

Kathleen: Ooh, this seat is nice and warm. Thank you.
Stephen:'re welcome. I'm glad my bottom could serve some purpose.
Jesse: For the first time in your LIFE!
Stephen: I...don't even know what to say to that.

"I'm not a mechanical guy. I like canoes." --Omar

"Aw, Annie. We're like twin babies cuddled up in the womb! You know, if we were twins in the womb, you'd probably be the one stealing all the oxygen and nutrients and stuff." --Me

"Keep your nudity inside your tent!" --Chris K

"He is such an awesome guy. He's ALWAYS learning. Every time I see him, he's got a new book under his arm. He'll probably NEVER get married, but he'll be BRILLIANT." --Jordan

"I'm chubby and I drive a mini-van! I just can't pull off that menace to society thing!" --Jillian

(narration while watching the movie "National Treasure 2")
Nathan: Oooh, an altar.
Me: Anyone here a virgin?
Nathan: No? Well, we're screwed.
Me: Literally.

"I LOVE this dress! The texture is like the inside of a coffin!" --Nellie

"Um, pretty sure there's a big difference between a 747 and an albatross." --Beckah

"I miss you so much that it is causing pain to my lower abdominal area...could just be the kidney stones, but the romantic in me wants to believe it's you." --Carrie

(on the casting of the lead role in the musical "Sacagewea")
"I think she's Asian. I don't think there's a bit of Indian in her. Maybe she's Vietnamese." --Anonymous audience member (overheard during intermission)

Nathan: So...if you're going to Kerblapistan or whatever on Monday...
Me: Uh, you mean "Honduras"?
Nathan: Yeah, Honduras.

Mary: No, let's take individual bags of chips, because the whole big bag crushes too easily.
Dad: My heart crushes easily, but that doesn't stop you from taking it for a ride.
(Me: What are you, fifteen?)

"Yeah, but I was the shiniest piece of tail on that stage, and you wanted me. And it showed." --Jesse (to his wife, on playing opposite each other in "Oklahoma!")

"There's nothing more celebratory than gunfire." --Mom

"That's the reason little kids are afraid of clowns. That and they come to your school to teach you sex ed in 2nd grade...that's pretty scary..." --Isha

"I just realized I easily have man-crushes on video game characters that have unrealistic but amazingly cool hair." --Ivor

Jeff O: No, my sister would get mad at me because I would chew off her Barbies' feet.
Barbara: What?!
Jeff O: Well, their feet were really soft! And they came off really easily.
Barbara: So she just had a lot of Barbie amputees?
Jeff O: Well, she had a nurse Barbie...
Barbara: Until you chewed off HER feet...
Jeff O: No, I didn't chew off her feet. 'Cause she was black, so...
Barbara: So you didn't feel right...?
Jeff O: Well, no, her skin was just wasn't as easy.

Nathan: Well, if it's already been de-virgin-ized, no worries.
Me: No pun intended?
Nathan: I'm a guy.

"I've been unemployed for so long that I'm considering grad school." --Allison

Jonna: I look like crap.
Jonna's daughter: Do you want some earrings?

"I totally know what you mean! I was watching a commercial for Catholic Vote 2008 and I totally almost cried! And I'm not even Catholic..." --Becca L

"There are two things that always put me to sleep: the scriptures and sudoku. And I wasn't feeling particularly righteous last night, so I turned to the Japanese." --Jeff O

Me: Are those newspaper guns in your belt?
Morgan: Aluminum foil guns!
Me: Even better.
Morgan: I used them to get a free burrito earlier tonight.

"We ain't gonna buy no Eminem book! We here for an Eminem book, we gotta LEAVE. Right now. Fine, do what y'all want, I'm going to the religion section. 'Scuse me, ma'am, where's your religion section?" --Anonymous customer at Barnes & Noble

"Man, I wish my friends were parents. I'd be buying HELLA kids llamas!" --Alex

"Well, what do you know? You show the Jew a creche, he thinks he's a comedian!" --Aunt Carla

"I wasn't expecting the second wave. Bastard ocean." --Jeff O

Me: Would you like to sign up for a Barnes & Noble membership today?
Elderly Gentleman Customer: Oh no, I'm not signing up for ANYTHING. The last time I signed up for something, they sent me off to WAR.

"You know Jenny. She's a shrimp-y, stick-y...shrimp." --Annie

"See, this is what I remember from my childhood. This is so graphic! See, look at this. She's ironing him. I don't know why." --Mom (on German children's books)

"That's the last time I ever grow a moustache. I looked like a disgruntled postal worker with a moustache." --Bro. Bennion

Nellie: She was one of those friends that you have a love-hate relationship with because you're in 6th grade, you know?
Annie: No, I don't know.
Nellie: Yeah, well, you wore shirts with animals on them.

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." --Annie's grammar quiz

"If I were a baby, I would have crawled right back into my mom and hooked up the umbilical cord ASAP. I think that must have been my original plan, and then the doctor spanked me and I got side-tracked." --Jacqueline

"I don't pretend to understand the female body. I only know how to please it." --Jordan

Me: No, things sell out in America.
Annie: That's true. Wii's sure did.
Nellie: "Wii's"?
Annie: Yeah. The game.
Nellie: Oh. I thought you meant either the food, or Weezer.
Annie: Ha ha ha! ...Wait, what's the food?
Nellie: There isn't one. I thought maybe there was one that I just didn't know about.

"You're cool and kind of stupid." --Beckah


Shadi: What is name?
Theresa: What name?
Shadi: Customer name! What you think?
Theresa: Phelly.
Shadi: Phelly? I do not like this name.

"Yeah, Chris' fiancee is way rich. She's a nice lady, though. She gave me some cheese once." --JP

"That demo was like trying to sell a car to a monkey. We both know we don't need each other." --Vasiliy

CJ: Hey Helen, are there black people in Hong Kong?
Helen: Yes. They guard the banks.

"CJ, I swear. You are the man. The man with the plan. With the...underwear." --Shadi

"She's either hella fine, or one of those fat girls with a sexy voice." --JP

Shadi: Today we suck. Now I have to go home and scream. Because now I am angry.
JP: Who you gonna scream at?
Shadi: I don't know. Probably Verizon Wireless.

"Pablo Escobar. He was a CRAZY guy. He was better than Al Capone." --John

"Shadi's house is so fun. He's got carpet in his garage." --CJ

"People who don't buy Kirby from me--they don't believe in God. I am from the Holy Land, so everybody should respect me. I am sent by God from the Holy Land. God sent me to protect the world from dust and dirt." --Shadi (home country: Israel)

John: Can you guess which one of his parents is white?
JP: His dad! You can tell by the way he dresses.

(narration of a poker game being played on a cell phone)
"I raise...somebody all in...I call because I have too much chippies...I lost. I go all in...because I have nothing. And he go all in--what the heck he have? Oh s**t. No more chippies. Ace, jack. I go all we go...I have the straight. Everybody lose to Shadi. King, four...I go all know the game? You just go all in, every hand." --Shadi

Monday, January 26, 2009

Note to Self

It. Is. Four. Twelve. In. The. Morning.


Oh yeah, because I took an over-the-counter medicine that has a minute amount of caffeine in it. At around 7 oh clock in the evening. Which apparently my body is super-sensitive to.

I don't even know why the crap it's got caffeine in it.

Note to self: Whilst Multi-Symptom Midol does wonders during the day, you'd best steer clear of it come sun down if you want to get ANY sleep.

Most of the time, I'm an insomniac by choice. I stay awake because I'd rather be doing something more interesting than sleep. But with a Monday that starts in, oh, 4 hours or so, I'd really really really like to be asleep right now. I have a roommate who's about to WAKE UP to get ready for class in an HOUR AND A HALF. And I'm sitting at the kitchen counter with a laptop in front of me.

Trying to Fall Asleep Tonight: Things That Have Not Worked
1. Reading.
2. Listening to music.
3. Meditating.
4. Visualizations.
5. Eating.
6. Laying in bed with my eyes closed.
7. Sudoku.
8. Facebook-ing.
9. Homework.
10. Trimming my cuticles.
11. Drinking water.
12. Writing scripts/scenes in my head.
13. Pretending the sound of the snow-plow outside is actually the sound of the ocean.
14. Planning my outfit for tomorrow.
15. Making a shopping list.
16. Making a to-do list.
17. Making any kind of list I can think of.
18. Contemplating different hairstyles I could try.
19. Blogging.

Monday, January 19, 2009

To do: "We shall overcome." (Nov. 4th, 2008: another step in the right direction)

No longer, Jim Crow.

From the green lawns of the District of Columbia, let freedom ring.

Even if you didn't vote for Obama, you've gotta may have taken us a while, but 45 years later, Dr. King's dreams are being realized.

And I think that's pretty darn amazing.

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: 'Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!'" --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., August 28, 1963

God bless America!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Yes please.

Nearly 100% of proceeds to charity? Double-yes please.

New goal: See a live show.

(In related rock n' roll thoughts, newest band name: Underlying Argyle.)

Friday, January 16, 2009

A dedication

"Half of the time, I can't stop crying for him, even though I know I should throw him away, let him go. I believe the day will come when I'll go out into the yard and toss up my hands and he'll sail away. The winds will take him." --Jane Hamilton, "The Book of Ruth"

This poem still needs some work, I think, but here it is anyway.

Shoes and Souls, A Parable

“Can a life that is lived
still love what it lacks?”

Say perhaps
that when you were 12
you lost one shoe
on a canoe trip at
summer camp.
One half of
a favorite pair of sandals
given to you months earlier
a birthday gift from
your father.
And when you climbed into the canoe,
you glanced down and thought
about tightening the strap
but got distracted
by life-vests and bug-spray
and sunscreen and current.
And within the hour,
you watched as your shoe
floated downriver.
Say perhaps
you tried to stop it
with an oar
or even jumped out
after it.
But it swirled and dipped
out of sight
to be lodged in the debris
somewhere miles down.
Say perhaps
that because you were 12
(and 12 is the very cusp of adulthood)
you didn’t cry
until you could escape
to the corner of your cabin
and mourn for the loss of
one half
of a perfect whole.

Say perhaps
that you cannot stop dreaming
that one day
A Heavenly Messenger
will arrive
hand you an envelope
that explains everything
hand you the shoe that you lost
when you were 12.

Say perhaps
the dream came true
and you could hold again
that one half
a something lost
that you could keep
to have and to hold
for the rest of your life.
And after you’ve told it
how many tears you shed
the only thing to do
is to put it on a shelf
and look
at something you’ve outgrown.

And if he jumped ship
and floated down the river
it’s only a matter of time
before you’ll outgrow him.
And after you’ve cried
in the corner of your cabin
you can pull on your own
complete pair of shoes
the ones with just your name on them
throw your hands in the air
and step back into the boat.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

For all who weary in battle

An English teacher shared these lines with the class on the first day of class as some of his favorite poetry. I loved it, and so I thought I'd share it here to honor and encourage anyone who's ever fought a battle, who's been hurt or is hurting lately, anyone who's been discouraged or exhausted in any endeavor.

I'm having trouble finding the eloquence to express what I want this to communicate, so I think I'll stop trying and let it speak for itself.

Death closes all: but something ere the end,

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:

The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs:
the deep
Moans round with many voices.
Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

--from "Ulysses" by Alfred Lord Tennyson

(painting above: "Snow Storm" by Joseph Mallord William Turner)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Question marks and quotation marks

Just some things I've been thinking about lately. With moving back to Rexburg tomorrow and starting school again this week, auditions for a few things coming up, new and old friendships, and the fact that yesterday my grandpa hugged me and said "We'll miss you. Don't become an old maid." Thanks Opa. Although I might throw your advice out the window, at least in a theatrical sense. (Who decided that there is ONE female role in both shows combined this semester? Silly theatre department. At least the lead in "The Rainmaker" ain't your typical leading lady.) Anyway.

Thoughts on many changes and question marks in general:

"And I say, go, go be led. Particularly if you’re in your twenties, I tell my kids it’s a 'question mark decade' in a sense. And we’re told that we should know what we want to do. And it’s a terrible thing: 'What’re you gonna do? What’re you gonna be? How can you make a living at that? I’m paying for your college, you’ve gotta know.' No. No, no, no, no, no. It’s a question mark. You’re never going to have this luxury again, of not knowing. And it is a luxury not to know. You can play, you must do that. You must, because it’s your only way not to go crazy. Meaning, if you’re gonna wait for the job, you will die." --Dustin Hoffman

"I want every have the capacity, the guts, the honesty, and the innocence to turn around and say 'I don't know.' I think its the most beautiful sentence in the world. 'I don't know.' If you can take pride in's okay if you don't know. Because there is life to teach you. There is life to take so much from. Please, feel proud to say 'I don't know.' That's what it means to me, so I tell everyone, you know, just do it. Go wrong. And then say 'Why did you go wrong? I don't know. I gave it the best shot.' ...I don't know. I really don't know. And I don't give a damn if I don't know. I'm happy not knowing, as long as I'm doing. And that's important. See I believe in not knowing, maybe. But I believe in doing...maybe that's what God made us for. To just go and do. In this world, just go and do. It's like sending you to Euro-Disney. Just go and enjoy the rides. Just have a good time. Don't worry how it works...just enjoy the ride. Have a good time. Do things. Go wrong. You know, sometimes you feel sick after the ride. It's okay to feel a bit sick. It's all right. But just do it. So that you have the full experience of life." --Shah Rukh Khan, Bollywood actor