Five-year-olds have the final word

Jacob: Are you sick?
Miss K: I am!
Jacob: What do you have?
Miss K: Allergies.

“My tummy huwts. Maybe it’s time to eat somefing fow me.” – KidB

Jacob and Liz: (brief kiss)
Most kids: EEEwwww!
Queen Anne: I’ve seen kissing before! My aunt and my uncle!
A Team: Kissing is only in opera.

Liz: Oooh, cool drawing. Is this a planet?
A Team: Yes, and this has bombs. (walks away calmly)

“I popped up! Like a feather!” – Queen Anne

Jacob: You’re quick! Quick as a wink!
Kid B: Winks! waptors awe fastew than winks!
(I've been saying this at least once a week since it happened.)

Tales from Room 104, or "Primary Mayhem, Part II"

Oh how being a Primary teacher changes your Sundays! Before I share these stories, here's a refresher on our little class, since we've been getting to know them better, and new additions have made themselves known. Our usual class consists of:

Brown Eyes - Continues to be a doll, even though when she sits near Kid B, she tends to get a little crazy.
QT Pie - I adore this girl...she's so animated! 
Miss K - Also fun, continues to be goofy and darling.
Queen Anne - Gets really excited when she sees Jacob or I outside of class, which is fun.
Tooey - Always has the most darling dresses. I was surprised to discover she's one of the youngest in our class...she speaks with the most articulation!
Lex Mex - We hadn't met her yet when I first introduced the class, but she's been a delight. She adores Jacob (we think in a non-romantic way), and we can't figure out what he did to deserve her adoration, but it's fun. (Today she offered to come over and do our dishes.)
Kid B - We continue to have a love-hate relationship with this adorable terror...he's almost always bouncing off the walls, but he's so fun/imaginative/animated/giving, we can't help but love him.
J Town - Lately, the only other boy in class. I have a suspicion he'd be better-behaved if he wasn't so chummy with Kid B. Jacob noted today that he's a different child entirely when not around the other kids.
D Dog - Somehow this kid strikes me as very British. I like it.
Ace - I'm learning how to understand his little dialect better...he's always well-behaved, which is a blessing.

Here are a few anecdotes from the last few weeks of Primary:

When Brown Eyes is having a hard day, everything is going wrong. The other day she came back from the bathroom, went to sit down, then came to me and said, "I need a new chair, because someone slobbered on mine." (I inspected it, and declared it slobber-free, but she refused to sit there and got a new chair for herself.)

I also really like how matter-of-fact Brown Eyes is about everything. Her parents sat in on Sharing Time the other week because one of her brothers was giving a talk. She turned to me and said "My dad is back there, holding my other brother Nathan." (leaning in to offer clarification) "He's a baby."

When I asked everyone what they were going to be for Halloween, I got a variety of answers, but Kid B's report that he was going to be a grasshopper made me smile the most. (His eyebrows were still green the Sunday after Halloween.)

We usually spend at least 10 minutes of our class time coloring, and Jacob has become the official "Keeper of the Crayons." It's his job to sit and hold the Tupperware container of crayons and monitor their comings and goings as kids choose colors. J Town came up to Jacob to return his crayons, but instead of placing them in the container, he put them on Jacob's crotch. Giggling insanely, he dashed back over to Kid B and whispered "I put them on his wiener!" Jacob and I almost died trying to conceal our laughter, although the game of putting crayons on Jacob's "wiener" grew old about the second time it happened and we put a stop to it.

Kid B has a very vivid imagination. (In the Primary Handbook for CTR A, it says of five-year-olds, "They have not yet learned to distinguish between imagination and reality." This was a helpful reminder...I've worried a little bit about this kid.) We haven't seen Ace for a while, so I asked if anyone knew if he was out of town. Kid B replied "I know he's out of town." "Where is he?" I asked.  "He's in the fowest, hunting wabbits." (Bugs Bunny reference not intended...that's just really how Kid B talks.)

Kid B has also decided that the boy's bathroom is haunted, and has convinced J Town as well. They spent an entire Sharing Time once (despite our scattered attempts at discipline) whispering about how it was scary. Kid B solemnly declared "I'm nevew going back dewe. Nevew. Nevew." He also reminds me weekly about the vampire living at his house.

For some reason the other week, the kids all decided they wanted to sit really close to the front. As in, pull their chairs into a big chaotic mass of chairs and kids surrounding Jacob and I. The following discussion ensued:
Me: "Boy, it's getting crowded!"
Lex Mex: "Yeah! We're in a hot tub!"
Me: (laughing) "But we're not wearing the right clothes for a hot tub!"
Miss K: "Yeah, 'cause you don't wear clothes in a hot tub." (What? Uh oh..) "You wear your bathing suit." (Whew...)

Here's a funny story about Lex Mex. In Sharing Time a while ago, the Primary President was picking volunteers for the activity. Lex raised her hand, but didn't get picked on. Disappointed, she hung her head and said "I never get picked." Jacob replied "You never know. You just might get picked next time." Well, more volunteers were needed, and this time, as soon as Lex raised her hand, she was picked! Jacob smiled and said "See?" Lex happily volunteered then sat back down. A few minutes later, there was another call for volunteers. Lex again hung her head and said "They never pick me." Jacob replied "Remember what happened last time you said that? Raise your hand anyway!" So Lexi raised her hand, and...she was picked! We couldn't believe it! After Lex finished volunteering, she sat back down and said "I never get picked........I'm just going to keep saying that." (Stimulus - Response - Stimulus - Response...) What an observant kid!

I overheard the following conversation between Brown Eyes and Kid B last week--
Kid B: Yeah, you can come to my house and pway (play) sometime.
Brown Eyes: But I don't know where you live.
Kid B: My house is a white house. Just dwive, and when you get to the white house, tell youw mom to stop.
(Astute directions, indeed.)

We really love those kids. (Especially now that we've implemented more specific rules and things aren't quite so chaotic.) What a fun first calling as a newly married couple!

The Primary Chronicles, Installment One

Today was Jacob and I's first day as TRUE primary teachers! We were called to teach the 5-year-olds in Primary, and last Sunday was technically our first day, but we spent the whole time practicing for the upcoming primary program, so it was more like crowd control than teaching. We also had an activity Saturday morning, rehearsing the program, and it was fun. We've got a big group of kids, and from the limited interaction we've had with them, we adore them already. I want to tell you about them, but in order to protect their identities, I've come up with a few nicknames. Meet the girls first:

Brown Eyes - Quiet, and often in her own little world. Well-behaved, but mostly because she's too busy just observing and thinking to cause any mischief. But she's got a colorful little personality when she does speak up. We also discovered today that she's a creative and talented color-er.

QT Pie - The little darlin' of the group so far. She's usually got a purse and/or a trendy headband and/or jewelry, and all this makes her sound prissy, but she is the exact opposite. Mature and friendly, she's a real sweetheart. She can be a goofball as well, it just takes her a while to warm up. Her unafraid and open heart make her the ring-leader of the girls, and she's the first to offer her hand when walking to and from class.

Miss K - QT Pie's right-hand girl. They can usually make each other giggle, but never really get too disruptive. K can also be pretty goofy, but she's a good friend, just like QT.

Tooey - A little unsure about her new teachers, but she seems sweet. She tends to get antsy sitting for a long time, and usually ends up twirling/standing/twisting/waving just to get her wiggles out. One of the most articulate speakers of the group, she is usually one to speak up and answer a question, and her pronunciation makes her sound precocious, but she's just being her sweet self.

Queen Anne - We just met her today, but she's QT's other right-hand girl. She's probably the quietest of the group, and since we just met her, she's a little unsure about us, but seems to be warming up. She's happiest when giggling with Miss K and QT Pie.

And for the boys:

Kid B - Determined from Day One to despise us, and would downright glowered whenever we made eye contact for the first little while. But he's decided that we're okay now, and he's the catalyst for much hilarity. He's got a lot of energy, and sometimes it's hard to get him to sit still. He's not TRYING to be bad, he just doesn't see the point of reverence. But we're getting there.

J Town - Pretty quiet and shy, so we still don't know him very well yet, but he seems like a good kid. Well-behaved, and eager to help. He prefers to watch from the sidelines, and sometimes dislikes the insanity of being a part of a big, rowdy group. But he listens well and is a great balancing force to our class.

D Dog - A little shy, but still your fun-loving 5-year-old. On the first day we were in Primary, he got a little too enthusiastic jumping up to sing "Follow the Prophet," smacked his face on the chair in front of him, and cut open his gums. But with a hug, a few swishes of water, and a moist paper towel, he recovered well.

Ace - Still getting to know him as well. I'm really grateful that I'm taking a class on Exceptional Students and Learning Disabilities right now, because it's helping me recognize and deal with any difficulties. I think Ace might have some hearing deficiencies, based on the way he talks. He can be hard to understand, but he always cheerfully contributes, whether you understand him or not. It takes him a little while to warm up, but once he's there, he has a blast.

Of course, working with 5-year-olds has some pretty memorable moments. Exhibit A:

Last week, Kid B noticed that a boy sitting in front of us had pants that were riding a little low. Kid B's got some trouble with his l's and r's (they're all w's), and he turned to me and said "Guess what?" (the way he starts all his stories) "His pants awe fawing down and he isn't awaew (aware)."

Also, Saturday, I was sitting next to Brown Eyes on the stand as we practiced for the Primary Program, and we had the following interaction:
Brown Eyes - (pointing to a few people leaving the chapel) Where are those guys going?
Me - I don't know. Maybe they're going to the bathroom.
Brown Eyes - (with a sudden look of surprise and concern) I have to go to the bathroom!
Me - Can you hold it?
Brown Eyes - (vigorous head shake) Uh-uh.
Me - Okay, let's go!
It was as if she didn't realize that she had to go to the bathroom until the subject was brought up, and then it was a desperate situation.

Today's primary program went splendidly, by the way. All the kids remembered their parts, and Brown Eyes and Kid B effectively destroyed the hearing of half the congregation with their enthusiasm at the microphone.

The other funny thing that happened to day was during Closing Exercises. The kids did well in sacrament meeting, so we all got to sit on the floor and eat snacks and color for the last half of Primary. In his short trips to get a different colored crayon, Kid B was stomping around like Godzilla. He was making noises too, but because his mouth was full of food most of the time, I didn't realize what he was saying for a few minutes. Then I finally made out, with a Godzilla stomp on each syllable, in a deep and throaty Godzilla voice: "I can fowwow Deejus Cwist!" ("I can follow Jesus Christ!")

At least he's enthusiastic about it.