"And the riverbank talks of the waters of March -- It's the promise of life, It's the joy in your heart." --Aguas de Marzo

Tonight, I've got me a mild case of the blues. This happens to me without fail about once a month, to be quite frank, but it's excentuated by the fact that tonight, a Friday night, my roomates and I went to the store and then made cookies, which we ate at least half of, took a dozen pointless quizzes on facebook, and then went to bed.

Which was great. I loved it. I love my roomates. But...I've got spring and adventure and a desperate sense of time running out in my veins! I had visions of hiking "R Mountain" and making a bonfire, of dressing up and running around town, of finding some yuppie dance party to crash. So while Broulims and cookies and quizzes was lovely, it did nothing to satiate my spring fever. And while spring fever is bearable and even sort of glorious at 2 in the afternoon, it's absolutely insufferable at 2 in the morning. If I had a car, I'd kidnap some fellow adventuring friend and we'd drive to Denny's and then explore the new Hart Auditorium construction site. Or something. (Or at least I would if he'd ever ask me out or give me his number...)

But to remind me of the light at the end of the tunnel, I have these things:

First of all, Jenny is so much better! She's taking pills that probably weigh somewhere around 7 lbs., but they seem to be working. All symptoms are fading, and all systems are go.

Second of all, it's spring.

The weather has gone from this:














To this!














It was nearly physical torture to go to my one math class today. But I made it. I spent just about every second of it thinking of being outside, but I got the attendance points, and was never called on to answer anything. So it turned out all right.

Then I came home and got to ride this:
Which was great. It's a great bike. Suzuki Boulevard. Probably too big for me to handle on my own, but I don't really have any interest in manuevering one of these myself. I'm more of a scooter kind of a girl. When it comes to REAL bikes, I much prefer riding behind. I just count myself lucky that one of my best friends has a siiiiiiiick motorcycle.

It's very strange that the reason I'm blue tonight is because I feel so spring feverish. I don't know if "the blues" is quite the right phrase...I guess I'm more sort of...disappointed. Disappointed not to be doing all the crazy, silly, spring fever things I feel like doing. (And that I can still do as a 23-year-old. Although, let's be honest, I'll probably do them when I'm 50, but it's harder to get away with them then...) But I'm blue because I'm not acting on my inner happiness? That's seems simply too paradoxical to be accurate. At least it seems that way to my 2 a.m. brain.

Maybe it ain't strictly the blues I've got tonight. It's the greens. The spring fever greens. The edges of which are slightly tinted by the blues that are brought on by feeling limited in my abilities to express the greens.

Hm.

"Say Doctor? Ain't there nothin' I can take?" - Harry Nilsson

What do
- a sinus infection
- hives
- pink-eye
- bronchitis
- a fever
- a viral infection
- lymph node cysts
- another problem that we'll be discreet about
and
- strep throat
all have in common?

Jenny Mae's body.

Prayers for a speedy recovery. One thing we're pretty sure she DOESN'T have is an immune system. All I can say is thank goodness for modern medicine and worthy Priesthood holders. And for Jenny's sense of humor. We just want to cuddle and comfort her, but hives make that difficult, not to mention the fact that she's pretty contagious. But most of the time she can join us in laughing about how ridiculous the situation is. As a matter of fact, we think she might be turning into some kind of mutant, with awesome super-powers or something. Read all about it here.

Stay tuned for an update on Jenny's health, as well as for the epic tale of Carrie's bachelorette party, which will go down in history as one of the craziest adventures of my college experience!

"When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it." --Anatole France

(Love of the printed word) =)

Hello all! I've got a lot swirling around in this brain and soul of mine, so instead of attempting to articulate it all, I've let others speak for me. The second set of quotations were things that I've stumbled upon somehow that have made me think a lot. AAaaaannnddd, just for fun, I've also added a few pretty cool youtube gems. My love to all!

How I'm Feeling/What I'm Thinking Lately:

“Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex:
We cannot fight for love, as men may do;
We should be wooed and were not made to woo.”
- Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Act II, Scene I)

“Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.”
- The Book of Mormon, Jacob 4:10

“So baby hold on to me
Whatever will be, will be
the future is our to see
When you hold on to me”
- Eddie Money

Things That I'm Pondering and Questioning Lately:

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.”
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open…No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
- Martha Graham

"It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness."
- Leo Tolstoy

What I've Been Watching Lately:

Saw this on a special I watched on Netflix Instant Viewing (greatest thing EVER), and thought it was absolutely fantastic.



Oh, British humor.



"What tempo, Captain?" "Tempo, tempo, tempo? A TANGO!!!"



This one is longer, but if you have the time, it's pretty darn incredible. My friend watched this in her Education Psychology class and shared it with me. A neuroscientist describes the experience of having a stroke while knowing what was going on, and the unique opportunity of studying it from the inside out.

Out of the rut? Maybe...

Still needs some work, but about 7 poems later, I think this was the "de-rutting" one I was waiting for. It needs a week and a re-write or two, but here it is anyway.

Him
Let him have a mind like a maze,
shoulders like basketballs.
And when he walks,
toes start tapping.
Let him come reading
the backs of cereal boxes.
A junkie for the printed word
metaphorically shooting up
receipts, movie tickets,
nutrition labels.
Let him come
packaged like
1947.
Suspenders curving
over basketball shoulders
and spats for tapping-toe-walking.
Three whole pieces of
Easter-Sunday finest,
tie-pin of the Union Jack.
Let him come
with no instruction manual.
Clean-slate
un-shaven.
Loving God,
singing tenor,
hugging Mama.
And when he
reaches a door before
a woman,
let him hold
it open for her.
Taking the weight of it
and then turning to
find her
smiling there.

"There is a curious paradox, which no one can explain..." --The Fantasticks

Just some of what's been feeding my thoughts lately. Agency. Curious concept, that.

The God Who Loves You

by Carl Dennis

It must be troubling for the god who loves you

To ponder how much happier you’d be today

Had you been able to glimpse your many futures.

It must be painful for him to watch you on Friday evenings

Driving home from the office, content with your week—

Three fine houses sold to deserving families—

Knowing as he does exactly what would have happened

Had you gone to your second choice for college,

Knowing the roommate you’d have been allotted

Whose ardent opinions on painting and music

Would have kindled in you a lifelong passion.

A life thirty points above the life you’re living

On any scale of satisfaction. And every point

A thorn in the side of the god who loves you.

You don’t want that, a large-souled man like you

Who tries to withhold from your wife the day’s disappointments

So she can save her empathy for the children.

And would you want this god to compare your wife

With the woman you were destined to meet on the other campus?

It hurts you to think of him ranking the conversation

You’d have enjoyed over there higher in insight

Than the conversation you’re used to.

And think how this loving god would feel

Knowing that the man next in line for your wife

Would have pleased her more than you ever will

Even on your best days, when you really try.

Can you sleep at night believing a god like that

Is pacing his cloudy bedroom, harassed by alternatives

You’re spared by ignorance? The difference between what is

And what could have been will remain alive for him

Even after you cease existing, after you catch a chill

Running out in the snow for the morning paper,

Losing eleven years that the god who loves you

Will feel compelled to imagine scene by scene

Unless you come to the rescue by imagining him

No wiser than you are, no god at all, only a friend

No closer than the actual friend you made at college,

The one you haven’t written in months. Sit down tonight

And write him about the life you can talk about

With a claim to authority, the life you’ve witnessed,

Which for all you know is the life you’ve chosen.

"That's odd. If I had a mind like yours, in fact if I had any mind at all, I'd be a brazen hussy." --Ellen Shanley, "Wonderman"

It is so much easier for a guy to ask a girl out, then for a girl to sit around and wait to be asked out. Or for a girl to some how communicate that she wants to be asked out. Without putting out.

Guys, I understand it ain't easy. I'm sure it's scary as hell. But at least you have some control over the situation.

I can't figure out how to get myself asked out by one particular person without advertising to everyone or seeming terribly forward.

Honestly. Whatever is a girl to do!? Besides pray that the Lord will put the thought into his head to ask me out?