Limerick Love

While he was at work doing phone surveys the other day, Jacob texted me to tell me of his overwhelming boredom. I told him to compose a story with the following elements:

waffles
guns
lipstick
sock puppets
Japan
hammers

He found his situation wasn't conducive to short story form, but of those inspiring elements, he did create some beautiful poetry. It was so brilliant, in fact, that I share it here.

NUCLEAR
A Japanese sock puppet groaned
After cleaning the guns that he owned
His lipstick that day
Tastes of waffle's decay
So bad that no hammers atoned.

UNTITLED
I ate a gun
in the Japanese sun
because I thought it a waffle.
It tasted so weird
And the lipstick -- it smeared
As my sock puppet made some falaffle.
With hammers.

Talk about gratitude...

So I know I already did a Thanksgiving post, but here's another one.

I would just like to take a moment to announce, yet again, that I am dating one of the greatest men currently living on the planet. Probably one of the greater men who's ever lived on the planet.

And out of the millions of girls he could have dated, I'm daily astounded that he chose me. The odds are astronomical...that the person you adore adores you back. And it seems to happen all the time. I'm still just astonished that it's happened to ME.

Now that's something to be grateful for.

He's the diamond in the rough, the prince in disguise, the William Darcy/Gilbert Blithe/Captain Moroni/Edward Cullen/Stan Claxton every girl dreams of. Except he's better.

And here's just one reason why.

Things I Am Grateful For

This year, due to financial tightness and a number of other factors, my roommate/dear friend Annie and I decided to stay here in Rexburg this Thanksgiving. So that my boyfriend/our dear friend Jacob could join us in our own little feast, we had our meal of thanks yesterday evening. We were so proud of our simple, delicious meal (which Annie was mostly responsible for, mad props and kudos and a lot of love to her), and we kept wanting someone to come over and see it. That picture up there doesn't do it justice. It was delicious, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful people in my life!

I've begun a tradition of making a list like this every Thanksgiving, so here are some other things I'm grateful for:

Make-up remover towelettes
Jamie Cullum
my iPod
an awesome roommate
an awesome boyfriend
family -- my incredible parents, grandparents, and sisters
my ability to walk/dance/run/skip/etc.
dry-erase boards
jump drives
my computer
dreams
Theatre
rock music
jazz music
journals
the scriptures
the restored Gospel
the Atonement
my Savior
candles
holidays
books
socks
not having to wear a corset
ballpoint pens
indoor plumbing
comfortable couches
comfortable bed
great films
guitars
Washington D.C.
the Constitution
the History Channel
Netflix Instant Viewing
donuts
pumpkin pie
refrigerators
horses
cars
children
fingernail clippers
the Beatles
Janis Joplin
Rosa Parks
vacuum cleaners
public transportation (where it exists, not like Rexburg)
boats
summer storms
chocolate malts
a job
the Priesthood
breakfast
wonderful teachers
interviews on "Inside the Actor's Studio"
having a printer at home
slippers
organic foods
commercial airlines
art -- great paintings and sculptures
vintage posters
thrift stores
letters from friends
missionaries
Comic Frenzy
friends who are wonderful examples of great marriages
my patriarchal blessing
a friend/roommate who makes things like this for Thanksgiving:

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

"I have made this [letter] longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter." --Blaise Pascal

Fifty-thousand words.
Thirty days.

Ten days and twenty-three thousand, five hundred and three words to go.

*Sigh*

I really want to read a book right about now...not write one...

...must...keep...writing...

From the white and harvest-ready field of New York City

Our dear friend Shanelle Baxter is currently serving a mission and speaking Spanish in New York New York. We recently got this letter from her, and it's delightful, so I share it here. And it might be to you anyway. =)

11-11-09

Dearest Amigos en Rexburg [dearest friends in Rexburg],

Como estan? Yo espero muy bien! [How are you guys? Very good, I hope!] Thank you so much for that lovely package full of good letters, fun pictures, and lovely socks from Britain! Annie I love the socks so much! Liz, let’s talk about how I’m so ok with you dating Jacob. Sounds like you’re having a great time. Everyone sounds so busy with school and stuff. How’s the theatre program? Who is the new teacher? I’ve seen Jeff a few more times and I always turn bright red because it’s just so unexpected to see someone who I know and love. ☺ I actually had a dream with Jeff in it and he was singing a song from a musical set in NY. He was singing in a subway station in my area so I started singing along and then everyone on the street joined in and we were singing and dancing with brooms. It was a fun dream hahaha.

For more less than spiritual experiences, 1. I love H&M and I’m an advocate of the “neck sock.” We don’t know the real name of it so my zone just calls them neck socks. It’s a piece of fabric/knitted sweater material and it’s a big loop, [Picture of an oval] just like that. I have 2. One is just a long tube I slip over my head and the other is one I twist and loop again. I really like them.

2. I turn 5 months old in 1 week! It’s just insane how quickly time flies. I’m in my 3rd cycle and still with my trio. I’m not sure if you knew I was training my 2nd transfer cycle, but I did/am. We’re a trio and have a lot of fun.

3. The picture of herbs is mostly for Annie. I thought you’d like it. It’s from a museum Garden I went to.

4. Last week I tried to catch a rat that is in our investigator’s house. Her crazy Dominican Grandma was pouring hot water over everything: walls, TV’s, dressers, radiators, etc. Apparently rats don’t like hot water. We were armed with pots, pans, and a big Atlas. Charlie, a giant 3-year-old with Autism, was armed with a fly swatter. Basically we stood around a door and banged our pots on the floor, or wall, or radiator, or couch to try and scare the rat out. It never came so we had to leave.

5. I dressed up like a Dominican for Halloween! I’ll send a pic next time.

6. My tailor was wearing a shirt that had Rhinestone words in English on it and he asked me what they said. I managed to stumble out “Soy el sueno de la calle” between giggles. Yeah, it said “I’m the dream of the street.” It was funny because he just shrugged and said, “Ok, I just didn’t want to wear anything too weird.” Oh I love Dominicans.

WARNING: SPIRITUAL PART APPROACHING.

Well, one day (Saturday, the 6th), I contacted this man on the street, I usually don’t stop men but I was determined to contact a lot of people. Anyway, he wouldn’t give me his # or address, so I just gave him a pass-along card with my cell # and forgot about him. Yesterday (the 10th), we get a call and the person asks to speak with me (which is just weird). I ask his name and he says I don’t know him but he wants to meet. I ask when and he says, “Ahora mismo.” [Right now] Well ok then. So we’re a little apprehensive as I’ve been proposed to twice and we’ve received texts from “investigators” asking if we’d like to be their novias [girlfriends]. Well, we meet him and suddenly I remember that he was the man I’d talked to on Saturday! He’d actually called us! That just doesn’t happen! So we go to the church and he tells us he was surprised on Saturday when I spoke with him because my Spanish was great and my accent was “excelente.” (I think I cried a little when he said that.) Because of my Spanish, he decided to call back and now he’s getting baptized on Dec. 5th! It’s so amazing. He was searching and didn’t even know. God works in mysterious ways, my dears. Basically missionary work rocks my socks.

Liz, I’m sorry I forgot about your birthday. I hope it was good and assume it was. ☺ Sometimes I get scared that you all will forget me and realize I’m not necessary. Don’t forget me! I’ve been wondering if I can go back to BYU-I for another Bachelor’s in Spanish, music, and earth science. Do you think they’d let me? I need to go. I love you all so very much. Thanks for your love!

Love, Shanelle Baxter

PS: There’s a trombone player down our street who has to play out his window! It’s so fun to see. ☺

[The following two items were also included with the letter:]

Caption: "Yeah, I put my hair in pin curls."

What say what?

I am going to rant a little bit in this blog. Nothing big. More like...if there was a verb that meant "to express exasperation," that's what I would use to describe this blog.

It drives me crazy when people say, "So are you guys gonna get married?"

Here's what I always say in my mind:
"First of all, I don't really know if that's the kind of thing you should be asking. I know I'm a bit of a Bohemian, but it's just poor etiquette. Second of all, if we knew we were gonna get married, we'd be engaged. And if we knew we weren't going to get married, we'd break up. But since we're still dating, the answer is I DON'T KNOW, and all of this strikes me as fairly obvious. Our relationship is on its own timetable, one that's only between me, him, and God. How about you guys wait for us to tell you if and when we're getting married, of our own accord."

Here's what I usually reply in actuality:
"Maybe."

If it's someone I'm close to, I'll sometimes explain the whole timetable/engaged vs. breaking up thing. I know that people don't mean any harm, and aren't going out of their way to be obnoxious or something. But a lot of the time, I just get annoyed.

To any who have asked me that question, I probably still love you. Okay, if we're friends, I do love you. I just feel like its such a tacky question. To me, it's like asking married couples, "So when are you gonna have kids?" That's between them and God. But since most of the time, it's friends and people who love and care about me asking, I don't know how to say, "That's a tacky question, and it drives me crazy when people ask."

It's like when we sing "The Spirit of God" in regular Church meetings. I have a distinct memory of The First Presidency asking that we only sing that hymn on very special occasions, like temple dedications. But what are you gonna do? Boycott the hymn?

Maybe the next time someone asks me "Are you guys gonna get married?" I'll reply with "I don't know. Are you gonna get married? When and to whom?" If they reply, "I don't know," I'll say, "Me neither. But I'm sure you'll tell me when you know. And I'll tell you when I know."

On a lighter, but related note, this fall's edition of the "BYU-Idaho Bride's Guide" has come out! I think it's pretty much the same every time, they just re-word things a little. I disagree with half of the articles, and don't care about the rest. But it's still fun to look through, if only to give oneself an excuse to be indignant about something that really doesn't matter.

But I was...how shall I say? Shocked? Amused? Astounded? When I came across an article towards the end of the issue on "The Honeymoon." Now, as Mormons, apparently, the honeymoon is but a vacation. Check out the title of the article:


I beg your pardon?

When I saw it, I burst out laughing, and ran around rehearsal, showing everyone the article. All my married cast friends lowered their eyebrows and said something to the effect of "Um, that's not how I would describe a honeymoon."

Honestly.

"Enter as STRANGERS, leave as FRIENDS"?!

First of all, I certainly hope my husband is no stranger. That's problematic in itself. Second of all, I know my experience in the matter is limited, but "friendship" doesn't strike me as necessarily the best signifier for the resulting relationship of a wedding night.

Maybe they meant physical strangers.

"Oh, hello, I've never met this part of you before! And now we're friends."

Or maybe they meant that you were strangers with the hotel staff before your wedding night/honeymoon, but then you're friends with them when you leave.

The implications of which make me more uncomfortable than my original interpretations of the title did.

I guess "Enter as newlyweds, leave as lovers" was somehow too racy. Or something.

The article was decently written. But the photos are not representative of the content of the article, and most decidedly, neither is the title. Not that I expect a Mormon magazine to have any sort of useful or even straightforward insights on the honeymoon. We're Mormons and we don't have sex. Or talk about it.

But that's a rant for another entry.

"High thoughts must have high language." --Aristophanes

My Mom forwarded this thing to me and I thought it was brilliant, and so I share it with all of you here. I apologize if you're offended by any of them. But I think they're brilliant:

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. The winners are:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stopsbright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets intoyour bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Found

(Note: The book pictured above is awesome and I plan on owning it one day. I discovered it while working at Barnes&Noble and used to read chunks of it every single day I worked.)

Today in the middle of teaching a Relief Society lesson, I made a startling discovery. I had brought my copy of a book called "Ishmael," which I had picked up miraculously from a thrift store years earlier, but which I'd never actually opened. I read the book in high school, and just hadn't read the particular copy that I owned. I was using it to read a quote from, and during a portion of my lesson, I had the girls take a few minutes to quietly write something down. I did a little rearranging of everything on the table in front of me, and as I did, I noticed a folded piece of notebook paper in the back of the book. I took it out and only had time to read one or two shocking lines of it before needing to re-focus on Joseph Smith and the restoration of all things. But I read it afterwards and was astounded.

It sounds almost too classic to be real...so many things are clearly established that it sounds contrived. Even if it's fake, it's brilliant. But I'm going to enjoy believing that it's real. This is what it said:

May 1997

Dearest Adam,

If you are reading this, well you don't know about the baby. It's yours. She's yours, well mine too. She's beautiful and charming. I never thought I would have so much joy in my entire life. Except with you.

Addy, please come back. I can't do this without you. And Emily needs a father. Even if the lady you ran off with comes, too. It's important.

Addy, remember the dancing? How you'd come in the darkest hours and we'd stop in the fields and dance in the car lights? Underneath all those beautiful stars? I won't ever forget those nights.

Those nights where you held me and I was safe. Those nights when our families disowning us didn't matter. Addy, please come back.

I love you still, always. However, if your lady friend comes with you, I will resist the urge to hold you in my arms and listen to my favorite song, your heartbeat.

I never thought that I would ever cry so much in my entire life, and then when the tears are no more I just lay holding Emily, wishing you could see her bright eyes, your eyes.

I love you Addy, and I forgive you.

With final love and pleading,
Charlene

Laughter is the best medicine

Dear Comic Frenzy,

I am madly in love with all of you.

I haven't laughed in far too long, and Tuesday's practice was better medicine than all the prescriptions and IV's and saltines and gatorade combined.

Tuesday, sitting in practice and looking at all of you, I was filled with such gratitude, humility, awe, tenderness, and--dare I say it--love, that I couldn't believe that I was a part of it. Thank you for all you are and all you do.

You all truly are poets, artists, geniuses.

With humble adoration,
LizAnne


Blog Readers:

I implore you to find 40 minutes, and sit down and watch all of these. This is Act Two of the Comic Frenzy Halloween show at BYU-Idaho. None of this is scripted...it's just the lights, several imaginations, and the people up there with you. These are the people I get to work with, learn from, and be inspired by.

Tales from a Modern Sickbed

A List of Unreasonable Expectations/Desires, as I recover from a severe case of gastroenteritis:

1) For the house to be completely cleaned and organized.
2) For my appetite to return to normal.
3) To live by myself for the next few days.
4) For classes and work and rehearsal to be put on hold until I can fully commit to them again.
5) To have a car. And a license.
6) For the laundry to do itself.
7) To have a working VCR and DVD player, and an unlimited supply of films that I could watch instantly.
8) To not be so jumpy, as a result of 3 days of heavy medication.
9) For the shower drain to actually DRAIN.
10) To not be so damned irritable.