At the end of June

It was over 80 degrees today. I went on a bike ride and narrowly escaped being sprayed by a skunk.

Summer has officially and truly begun.

I've never held a human heart, but I imagine that I know what it would feel like

 

I've been thinking about this poem lately...the last year or so, the theme of the heart has made its way into at least half of my poetry. None of it is half as good as Margaret Atwood's though. This poem is incredible.

Enjoy a bit of poetic beauty today.

The Woman Who Could Not Live With Her Faulty Heart
Margaret Atwood

I do not mean the symbol
of love, a candy shape
to decorate cakes with,
the heart that is supposed
to belong or break;

I mean this lump of muscle
that contracts like a flayed biceps,
purple-blue, with its skin of suet,
its skin of gristle, this isolate,
this caved hermit, unshelled
turtle, this one lungful of blood,
no happy plateful.

All hearts float in their own
deep oceans of no light,
wetblack and glimmering,
their four mouths gulping like fish.
Hearts are said to pound:
this is to be expected, the heart’s
regular struggle against being drowned.

But most hearts say, I want, I want,
I want, I want. My heart
is more duplicitious,
though no twin as I once thought.
It says, I want, I don’t want, I
want, and then a pause.
It forces me to listen,

and at night it is the infra-red
third eye that remains open
while the other two are sleeping
but refuses to say what it has seen.

It is a constant pestering
in my ears, a caught moth, limping drum,
a child’s fist beating
itself against the bedsprings:
I want, I don’t want.
How can one live with such a heart?

Long ago I gave up singing
to it, it will never be satisfied or lulled.
One night I will say to it:
Heart, be still,
and it will.

And considering what is more...

From our recent run of Waiting for Godot. Thanks to Camilla for helping with the filmage. And I'll just say right now that with very few exceptions (for reasons unknown), this monologue is word-for-word from the script we worked with.

That's right. I memorized this bugger.

(Also, isn't that the greatest wig you've ever seen?! Jacob said I looked like Lady Gaga.)

Missionary Jacob Joy

An old missionary companion of Jacob's sent this video our way recently...it's of the two of them, and some music, and some lampshades. And it reminded me of why I married my Jacob. He's a delight to my own goofy heart.

Stay-at-home-parents vs. Working parents

I have several good friends right now who are either new mothers or going to be mothers any day now. I'm not a mother myself, but having worked as a nanny and a baby-sitter before, and having spent two summers in the nursery at Church, I can appreciate this. This is for anyone who may still be under the impression that being a stay-at-home-mom is an easy job.

Stay-At-Home vs. Working Parents: Questions to help spouses bridge the communication gap
By Heather Rigby
via Babble.com

My husband always asks how my day went. And he really wants to know. He’s nice like that. As we slowly push the girls around in the stroller, he shares what went right during his day at the office, and I share funny things the kids said. On bad days we vent stresses and offer support and advice.

But lately I can’t help wondering if when I mention that my day was sort of stressful, he mentally thinks, “Yeah, my days are like that too.” Because I really don’t think that our days have the same sort of stresses.

When you decide to become a stay-at-home parent, you enter into a different realm — one ruled by illogical two-year-old dictators, school schedules, and choosing the correct color yogurt. As much as I can explain this to my husband, I don’t know that I’m getting through. Now I’ve done the next best thing: creating a list of questions that will help him and other office-bound parents gauge how (cough, cough) similar their days are to ours.

1. When you walked into work this morning and pleasantly greeted your co-worker Jim, was his first reaction to scream “NO! WANT JASON!" followed by an office supply being thrown at you?

2. Has a colleague ever climbed up on your lap while you were using your computer and slammed the keyboard with both fists until the up arrow no longer worked?

3. Do you have to lock yourself in the supply closet or bathroom on a regular basis in order to make phone calls?

4. Did you finish a complete thought at any time during the day?

5. When you went out to lunch with your fellow workers, did you have to pack a diaper/juice/extra outfit for them? Did you have to wipe their faces? Smile an apology and leave an extra tip for the waiter on their behalf?

6. When a co-worker needed you for something, did she sit at her desk with her head tilted back toward the ceiling and repeatedly scream “SEAN! SEEEEANNNN! SEAAAAAAN!” until you came to find him?

7. When you needed a specific colleague, did you search all over for him, only to finally find him giggling in the cabinet under the sink? Did you also find six pairs of your church shoes under there with him?

8. Have you had to come to an associate’s aid because she fell off her desk after trying to climb on top of it using a rolling chair?

9. When you reached for the report a co-worker was handing you, did he snatch them away at the last second and scream “MINE!” while shoving you backwards?

10. Does your colleague lift up her shirt and pick things out of her belly button every time she comes over to ask a question?

11. While you are using the restroom, do various co-workers come in the stall and ask you to settle a disagreement or open a packet of fruit snacks?

12. During a board meeting when everyone is present, do you notice a smell and then have to check all your colleagues’ pants to locate it? In fact, at ANY point in your day do you have to deal with another person's feces?

If the answer to most of these questions is no, it’s a safe bet to assume you’re in an office. That said, if your answer to most of these questions is yes, and you know you’re in an office, it’s safe to assume you might need a new job.

A list of things

Things I don't like very much:
- Hay fever
- The closest Barnes and Noble being half an hour away (although this is probably better for our bank account)
- Realizing on a Sunday that every single thing you can think of to make/eat calls for milk, and not having any in the house

Things I don't understand (which doesn't mean I dislike them...I just don't get it):
- Rustic farm equipment used for front yard decorations (Like, wagon wheels in the flower beds and stuff. It looks odd to me.)
- Why people sometimes have both an iPod AND an iPhone. Isn't the whole point to have everything in one device?
- Why restaurants in college towns would turn the fryer off at 10:30 on a Saturday night

Things I love:
- Netflix Instant Viewing
- Steak
- Emails telling me I've recently won/inherited/been asked to transfer an enormous amount of money. Like this one, which is probably the best one I've ever received. I've kept it in my inbox for like two months because it cracks me up. Everything is as it was in the original email...spelling, grammar, etc.

Subject: PLEASE ASSIST FOR HUMANITY SAKE

Dear Beloved,

First, I must apologize to you for using this medium to communicate to you about this project I am the above named person from Cardiff, Wales I was married to Mr. Ronald Rich who worked with the British embassy in Kuwait for nine years before he died in March, 2007.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $8.5Million (Eight Million five hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) in cash with a security company in London.Presently, this money is still with the security company , my doctor told me that I would not last for the next three weeks due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. [This line is probably my favorite part.]

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to cancer research centers. I am therefore looking for any individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct. The person must also donate to orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating the word [another favorite line], I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an unjust manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and the presence of my husbands relatives around me always as they are very greedy and only hope that i die soon to enable them claim the rest of my husbands wealth hence I don’t want them to know about this development,by his grace, all things are possible. As soon as i receive your reply I shall give you the contact of an attorney who would help you for the immediate release of the funds to you in cash or by telegraphic wire transfer.I will also issue a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund.Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hope to hear from you soon through my private ------- and be assured that it will not take more than 7 working days for you to receive the funds from the date you acknowledge receipt of this mail.

Remain Blessed,
Elizabeth Rich.

I want to contact this person and tell them they should write for television.

(Also, here's a tip: My dad works at an embassy, and he is not a millionaire. Very few embassy workers are.)

If it's not on facebook, it didn't happen

If I don't click "Like," will the world still believe that I really DO love my husband?