Big people are harder to kidnap...

Two blogs in one day. Whoopee! (That was for you, Jason Space-Station Cramer. Oh, and Jesse too.)
So, I seem to be in a somewhat literary mood at the moment, or rather today in general. This mood seems to be hitting me with considerable force tonight, mainly because I just spent the last while browsing the web-pages and reading the writings and rantings of some particularly witty friends. Hax and Willie, you are my heroes. Among other quotables, I found the following gems to be especially genius:

"Utensils are overrated. When starving kids in third-world countries eat ramen, do they eat it with a fork? I think not. Or at least they wouldn't, if they had the ramen. 'Coz I guess they wouldn't be starving if they had ramen."
--Willie

"Why is it always a deer caught in headlights? Why isn't the deer caught in the moonlight, or maybe a net? We need more similes regarding deer. I'm pretty partial to the newly-coined phrase "like a deer in the blender."
--Willie

"I apolagize. If I could spell apoligize it might be worth more, but beggars can't be choosers. Not that you're a begger or if you were you would be begging for apoligies, more like money or food, but if apoligies were food, I'd be serving you Prime Rib, now If I offered that kind of apology to a beggar, he'd probably just spit on me for not giving him the actual prime rib..."
--Hayley

"No the deal is not like THREE BARS OF GOLD for some magic beans, It's more like a COW THAT CANNOT EVEN GIVE MILK AND HAS NO MEAT ON ITS BONES for MAGICAL BEANS THAT CAN REACH INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION!!! If you make this trade, you will eventually risk your life, but come out with riches and courage, not to mention self-worth. So say yes to romantic comedies."
--Hayley

To read more of the correspondence between Willie and Hayley, I invite you to check out Hax's page. (See links on the right.) You can also check out Willie's page, "Journalism Blues." I'm your number one fan. High-five. From there you can get to the e-mail conversations of the two.
Ah, screw it, click here:
Letters Between Hax and Willie
More Letters Between Hax and Willie
Yet More Letters Between Hax and Willie
But check out both their sites anyway.

So, I had a virgin strawberry daquiri spewed in my face this evening. It was probably one of the more fabulous experiences of my short life. I haven't laughed that hard in many a moon. And it was one of those times when you laugh hysterically, and then right when you start to get control of yourself, you notice that the girl who just spewed virgin strawberry daquiri all over your face is still laughing, but with a somewhat panicked look because she's got daquiri coming out of her nose. Who needs alcohol. I've got Patrice Strate.