That's the thing about a solid-gold toilet...it may be a solid-gold toilet, but it's still full of crap

Meet peoples unspoken demand for toilet seat protection and show that you care!
Cleanseat paper toilet seat covers provide a physical barrier between users and toilet seats protecting against germs and bacteria. The fact remains that no matter how spotless the facilities may appear, a multitude of strangers have previously used and compromised the hygiene of the same facilities.
Cleanseat paper toilet seat covers are an effective, low cost method of providing personal hygiene, protection and cleanliness which is so important to people who must share washroom facilities, the toilet seat is completely covered while the center flap pulls the fast dissolving paper toilet seat cover down the drain automatically when the toilet is flushed therefore there is no need to touch after use.
The addition of toilet seat covers says something about you and your company.
--From the website of "CleanseatUK: Distributor of Hygienic Disposables"



A FREE-WRITE FROM LATE LAST NIGHT THAT BECAME A COMMENTARY ON TOILET-SEAT COVERS:
(I don't know why that subject came to mind, but it ended up being a pretty interesting freewrite...)

You know, it’s really a shame that the internet at our apartment complex was supposed to be permanently fixed by last night at 6pm. That in and of itself is not a problem; the problem is that the internet is not fixed.
Right now, at 1:29 in the morning Friday (or I guess Saturday), there’s nothing I’d rather do than surf the web. Perhaps discover some exciting new blogs, explore IMDB a little, find out more about a health issue, or learn something new about the United States justice system. Writing is only a small desire right now. But as the internet is COMPLETELY inaccessible at the moment, write I shall, although what I’ll do with the final composition remains to be seen. Perhaps it will find its way onto my blog. That seems most likely, so I suppose I better make this interesting. If it’s not, I absolve myself from all blame right now, since this is just sort of a mental purge.
I’ve had several minor life-changing realizations recently. Okay, one isn’t very life-changing, but it changed my awareness of myself. I couldn’t remember what the Roe vs. Wade case was about tonight. I still don’t remember. I say I’m passionately interested in law and the justice system and yet I can’t remember the details of one of the most pivotal court cases in U.S. history. Then I realized that I don’t think I EVER knew the details of Roe vs. Wade. I’m ashamed of myself. Another thing the internet would have been good for. (Finding out the details of Roe vs. Wade, not getting rid of my shame.)
The other realization happened a few weeks ago, but I still think about it all the time. I discovered that I’ve been using paper toilet-seat covers BACKWARDS my entire life! You know the little flappy part of it? The part that you punch out so you can actually use the toilet? Apparently, the part that’s still connected after you punch out the middle is supposed to go in FRONT. I read the instructions. I’ve been putting it in the back for the last 20 years! What does that mean? What does that say about me as a person? What does that say about society? What a riveting demand for redefinition this brings on!
Know what else is weird when it comes to toilet-seat covers? The fact that BYU-Idaho campus bathrooms don’t have any. None. Nowhere in any of the buildings can you find them. Does that strike anyone else as odd? There have been complaints and requests for them for years, but still they can’t be found in any campus bathroom. I don’t know what the cost would be for installing them, but I can’t imagine it being a substantial sum. Furthermore, last winter semester, the administration installed instant hand-sanitizer dispensers ALL OVER THE PLACE…in the bathrooms, in the hallways, by every entrance and exit to every building. Now, can someone please explain that logic to me? “We aren’t going to answer the requests for toilet-seat covers that have been coming into our office for years, but we aren’t going to tell anyone why. We are, however, going to spend money and time on hand-sanitizers everywhere so that germs aren’t spread.” What the weird?!
The only conclusion I can reach is that they aren’t making toilet-seat covers an option on matter of principle. What kind of principle, I don’t know. “We don’t need toilet-seat covers at BYU-Idaho because those are only needed to avoid the bad diseases that sinners get. We’re all good Mormons at BYU-Idaho, and good Mormons don't need to worry about that kind of thing.”
I seem to be in a pretty facetious frame of mind, but that’s the only principle I can think of and I really hope that it’s not the one this lack of toilet-seat covers is based on. I will be severely disillusioned. Does anyone else see the fallacies involved here? If they only knew how many of us good Mormons hover over the toilet seats at BYU-Idaho to avoid touching it with an unprotected tush.
I think I’m going to bed. Cynacism is exhausting, although an addicting frame of mind, it seems.