I'm taking my heart and I'm getting me out, cause love is something that I wouldn't want to live without

Hey. No picture today, flickr's down. So I know I said that I'd tell you about the adventures had in California this blog, but I lied. I don't feel like telling about those adventures. And it was actually a pretty mellow weekend. I didn't audition for "Spelling Bee," which I don't want to talk about, because I'll regret it for the rest of my life. JD, Ben, and Christian all made call-backs, which is incredibly exciting, so we'll see how that goes. I don't know when they find out. But I'll let you know as soon as I do.
Instead I would like to say this. I need THEATRE! I've learned something about myself in the last couple of years, and that is if I don't involve myself in theatrical productions in some way, after about three months, I start to fall into a mini-depression. Maybe depression isn't the right word. I just feel sort of...bored with life? And very unfulfilled. And I feel like I'm just sort of meandering through life day by day without really fulfilling my purpose fully. I feel unproductive, and it's harder for me to fully appreciate all the other aspects of my life if I'm not doing theatre. There are some student productions going up next month...I know one of the roles isn't cast yet. I missed auditions because I was sick, but I'll see if the part is still open. If I get it by some weird chance (it's actually written for a man, but it doesn't have to be), I'll be directed by Christian and co-starring with Andy Donkin, which would be such a thrilling experience. We'll see.
Okay, I'm going to warn you before you read the rest of this blog. This is a full-blown, all-out, hands-down, angry RANT coming up. If you want to be uplifted, don't read this next paragraph right now. If you are a girl who is frustrated with the opposite sex, read on, although you might be offended.

All girls who fit the following criteria should officially be outlawed from attending BYU-Idaho:
18 years old or younger
blonde
big blue eyes
expensive magazine-y clothes
large breasts or curvy figure in general
Here's why. As long as THEY are all here, the rest of us don't stand a chance. How are we supposed to compete with that?! Here we are, spiritual, intelligent, individual, funny, beautiful...we are girls who KNOW who we are and are trying to be what the Lord wants us to be. But are we the girls who get dates? NO! It's the ditzy blondes who all look, act, and think (if they do at all) in the exact same way. IT BLOWS MY MIND! It seems like by their early twenties, boys would have stopped thinking with their hormones alone and started also employing their hearts, minds, and spirits in being attracted to someone.
Tonight, some guy friends were talking about how difficult the dating scene in Rexburg is, and how it's so much harder for guys and how girls don't take dating seriously. Like my friend Sarah said, B.S. Rexburg is one of the few places in the world where there are THOUSANDS of single LDS young men and women in one place. And check it out: around here, GUYS are the askers. So which is harder: to ask? Or to sit around and wait to be asked and to feel like there's NOTHING you can do about it when no one asks you? Hm. And as for girls not taking dating seriously, I don't even know what they mean by that.
I have now been in Rexburg since August 2004. I have lived here for over a year. That's more than 356 days. And know how many dates I've been asked on in those 356 days? ONE. What's wrong with me? In what way am I deficient as possible dating material? I can't see any problems with me, therefore it must be the guys.
I suppose I should apologize to those of you boys who are really good and know how to recognize an amazing daughter of God when you see one. I'm a little bitter, and one boy has ruined your entire species for me for a little while. If that angers you as much as it does me, feel free to turn on him and ruin his love-life for awhile like he has mine. No, that's just pure enmity. I don't really wish that. I just wish I could make him see...ME. But I'm done pushing all the ditzy blondes out of the way so that he'll actually focus on me. Screw that.
Back home, I had something called the "Sorry You're Single Club" with a few friends. It was me and another girl and three guys. It was our way of shaking our fists at the dating world and get the better of it. The purpose was to always have someone to go on a date with if you wanted one. Whether you just felt like going out that night, or if everyone else around you had a date, you would too. The only rule was to keep it all casual and no physical affection allowed. It was so nice, though...to just have a few really good friends who you can just call up for a date and you know that they'll say yes as long as they're free. Then you could go out and complain about being single to eachother, and end the night with new resolve to be happy with being single until circunstances change. I would really like to start another one of those clubs here. I just don't know who to start it with. I don't have any guy friends close enough anymore. Maybe I'll rope in some of my FHE brothers. They're pretty cool. Of course, I'm still getting to know them, and the idea may freak them out a little bit.
Gr I am so impatient!