"The bloom had been brushed from one little maiden dream. Would the painful process go on until everything became prosaic and hum-drum?" -Anne Shirley

So, this summer will go down in history as one of my bizarrest, personally. It's a summer of wedding bells, or lack thereof! Not only is this the summer when I was planning on getting married myself a few months ago, but this is the summer that my first boyfriend WILL be getting married.

I just got the news that Jared Doshier will be getting married to someone named Autumn this June. I can't even begin to express how I feel about that. I don't even know myself how I feel about that. It's very surreal, I know that much.

We were eachother's first kiss, eachother's first serious relationship, and we dated for 9 months or so before he went on his mission. I had liked him for YEARS before that, and every single one of our mutual friends take credit for setting us up, it seems. He'll have been back from his mission for a year this month. In the four years since we were together, I've certainly had my own share of romantic adventures, from dating someone for a week and a half to planning my own wedding for July 7th, from being cheated on to liking boys that are already in a relationship themselves.

It's not that I want to be the one marrying Jared in June, it's just that I wish I were marrying SOMEONE sometime soon. All these friends getting married...it gives one a very...left behind feeling.

I think I may be giving the impression that I'm angry at Jared, or bitter, or hurt, but really I'm not! I'm so so happy for him and I wish him and his new wife every blessing. I hope he'll be very happy, and I can't wait to meet this girl of his. I just feel like the bridesmaid who's never a bride. (Even though I've only been a bridesmaid twice, and both times were for my parents' respective re-marriages.)

I hope I haven't terribly shocked my family when I say that I was planning my wedding for July. It wasn't completely official yet, so I didn't want to say anything until it was. Vaughn and I had a ring designed, and announcements designed, and a date picked out, but it turns out that we're not the best people for eachother. I think I'm going to throw a party on July 7th. Just because I can't simply let the day I was going to be MARRIED pass right by without being acknowledged. July 7th is also, ironically, the day that Jared and I got together, way back in 2003.

I'm having trouble expressing myself this afternoon. I feel like I'm a snowglobe that's been shaken up, and everything is flying around inside of me. I just have to wait for everything to settle down again before I can see quite clearly. So it's not necessarily a BAD feeling I have in reaction to this news about Jared, just a CHAOTIC feeling. Feelings.

I guess I should call Jared. I also suppose I should try and make it to the wedding...find an understudy or something. I wonder if Autumn is a crazy dancer?