I've decided recently that I want to be this person.
Well, not Marjorie Pay Hinckley exactly, but I'd like to be a version of myself that's a lot more like her.
I've spent the last year or so seemingly shelving my rose-colored glasses...locking them away in a cupboard, as it were. And I decided yesterday that I don't want to be that person. I've thought about getting those rosy specs off the shelf at least once a week, but always conclude that it takes too much energy. A foolish excuse.
Friday afternoon, as I was driving home from Broulims, where Jordan and Heather had to come to jump my car, and where I accidentally blocked President and Sister Clark (University Pres) into their parking spot, it occurred to me that it was the kind of afternoon that years ago, I would have laughed at. I would have seen it as one of the adventures I say to pray for. As I drove, I thought to myself "Good heavens. Could it be that I'm losing my sense of humor?!"
And my soul awoke a little. My sense of adventure/rose-colored glasses/sense of humor/ability to have a good attitude raised its head and sniffed the air hopefully.
So after a year or so of "emotional laziness," I'm re-learning how to be positive again. (Fitting that this should coincide with the new year. Even though I don't believe in "New Year's Resolutions." It seems like an arbitrary time of year to make goals. I say, just make the goal whenever you feel the need or desire to change. And give yourself as long as it takes...a month, a year, five years. I'm not sure why I feel the need to defend my resolution as a non-New-Year's-Resolution, but I guess I am.)
Anyway. I've got a lot of examples. This person and this person, most recently. And the late Sis. Hinckley. I'm realizing there are "seekers of happiness" all around me, and being "too tired" is not a valid excuse for excluding myself from their ranks.
Ug it's awful feeling like you can't laugh at life isn't it? I love you and am glad you're in my life.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I too hate New Year resolutions but couldn't describe why until I read your post. It might just be who I am though... I can never seem to start things from the beginning. I always started reading the Book of Mormon in Mosiah because it's more interesting and by the time I get to the Isaiah chapters in 2nd Nephi I'm almost done so I get through it.
This is a very long and seemingly unrelated to your post comment. But I miss you, and this is how I would communicate with you if I was talking to you face to face .
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ReplyDeleteliz! thank you so much for posting this! i love every word. and i feel exactly the same way. well not exactly since we aren't the same person exactly but still- ive been such a cynical grump and i think it's because i have everything i could possibly want/need and i've just been so lazy and awful! sheesh! i miss who i used to be and i feel like a part of me has been dead for a while. anyways. maybe being a newlywed (or in my case just being an ungrateful priss) is harder than i thought it would be. anyways times two, thanks for posting. you are inspiring. and i love to read what you write.
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