I put this up on facebook a few months ago, but thought I'd re-post it here for fun.
This post is directed to expecting moms out there. Of those friends who are pregnant, one is due any day now, and two have only a month to go! But if you still don't have a name for your bundle of joy, don't panic. Jacob and I have taken it upon ourselves to help you all name your offspring. Most of you are having girls, it seems, so we only brainstormed one gender. Here are the girl names. You may thank us later.
Sarsaparilla
Amia
Incendiary
Quadrophenia
Bowlcut
Punky
Lollapalooza
Elemeno (reference to that one part of the alphabet that we all thought was one word)
Cookie
Squirrelly Girly
Nettle
Echinacea
Hades
Recipe
Yoghurt (You know, like Margaret? But a little different...)
StalagTite (This is in case your baby is a rapper.)
Trinidad
Craw-Lady (femified version of "crawdad," could also double as a rapper name)
Juneau (like the city in Alaska)
Citrus
Obimi (like Obama, only femified)
Tinuvial
Cherries Jubilee
Prognosis Ann
The Sun Also Rises
The Great Gatsbina
Your kids are going to be the most popular ones in their classes.
(For more baby name laughs, check out this blog on Rexburg baby names. There are also three previous installments. Sometime, some sociology researchers should come study Rexburg Mormon culture. Strange phenomena around here.)
*Also, a clarification for any readers with suspicions...Jacob and I aren't pregnant. (Although I am absurdly baby hungry.) Sorry. These are for our friends who ARE pregnant. When we have them, all of our girls will be named after flowers. Hippie-like.
wow, some of the names... the five obese children above us in our ward when we lived there were named: xavier, elory... and i can't remember the others but they were pretty bad. why do mothers DO that to their kids? i dunno- i understand weird nicknames, i just will never understand the true blue genuine article NAME of a child that is alienating and just plain weird. is it cool to do that? in fact here is a "cool name" just for you: (word verification) Guetelym. (pronounced guatalime)like gwendolyn but spicier. the other day i was in my doctor's office and there was a kid whose name was Crush, and his mom kept being like, NO CRUSH, NO! crush, and rider. i'll never understand those two names.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's weird. It's such a bizarre thing...it's like as Mormons, we feel we all have to have the same nice car, the same suburban home, the same sense of style, to show that we are true members of the Church. So the only way we can be unique is by naming our kids things like Rykker and Kaybrinn. Maybe in the hope that their name will make THEM unique? It's so odd to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link! And cute blog! My favorite of your names suggestions is "Hades", though I honestly wouldn't put it past someone to actually use it. I've seen a couple of Antigones in the blogosphere lately. Antigone! How could you use a name without even looking up the history on it first????
ReplyDeleteI'm in St Anthony for the summer. We're neighbors!
I would love to see a list of the top ten boy and girl baby names for each state.
ReplyDeleteAnd I noticed the theatre camp thing--you and Jacob are gonna be perfect for that!
I would love to see lists of top 10 baby names for each state.
ReplyDeleteI noticed your theatre camp thing--you and Jacob will be perfect for that!!
I read that blog, and I honestly have no idea what those people are thinking. I mean, I have an afinity for old-fashioned Anglican names (Elijah, Peter, James, David, etc.) but seriously? All of those children sound like heroes in dirty fantasy novels. Their concept of spelling is going to destroy them.
ReplyDeleteWord verification: Uncloash. The evil monster these children have to fight during their woodland adventures.
Sarsaparilla Yoghurt Harrison it is. Thanks so much for this Liz. You have changed our lives.
ReplyDeleteI was telling a friend about this post and couldn't think of any of the names except "Sarsaparilla" (is that really how you spell that?) and "Lemon Peel," which isn't on your list but I think it should be. Though you need to spell it "Lehmone Piel" or something dumb like that.
ReplyDelete