Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Some deep thoughts today...

I've been pondering this blog a lot lately. It's gone through quite a few changes, and I don't think it's done changing yet. When it began, way back in 2004, blogger was still a fairly new thing. I don't think there was such a thing as a "Mormon Mommy Blog." Or fashion blogs. They didn't really exist yet. And for the most part, I knew my audience. I was writing to my family and a few friends, just not in e-mail form, in case anyone else was interested in reading. Now, to my great surprise, I have 175 followers. Which is awesome. And a little strange, just because I only know two dozen of them. Three or four times in the last few years, people I've just met have said to me "This is kind of crazy, but I actually know you from your blog." (One of those people is now my husband.)

I've remained sort of aloof from the blog-world in general as the years have gone by...I only follow three or four blogs of people I don't know, and then I don't even actually "follow" them (via blogger), I just have links on my own blog, or bookmarks. I never do giveaways, and I've only entered one once. I've tried hard to keep this blog in the spirit of its original intention...simply a place to share thoughts and updates.

But it's getting difficult for two reasons:
1) My audience has changed. And that's grand, it's just different.
2) I've changed. If you go back and read some of my early entries, they're delightful, but I've sort of "grown up" more. This is mostly a very good thing...I'm aware of what I should and shouldn't be publishing on the internet. But there's a lust for adventure and a delight in sharing fabulous realities that used to be a much bigger part of me.

It's sort of a theme in my life right now. I used to be much better at saying yes to whatever adventures came along, and of seeing the everyday beauty of life. And this blog used to be much more a part of that.

I don't think this blog should "go back" to what it used to be. Nor do I think I should "go back" to who I used to be. But there are parts of me that I think are the truest me, and those true parts have been hiding under a few fears lately...a lot of past experiences trying to keep me from living as fully and as beautifully as I could be. I'm working on bringing those true parts of me out into the light again.

And maybe this blog will be a part of that. I've been reading a lot of delightful stories on some fantastic blogs lately, and the life-loving, adventure-seeking, story-telling part of me is being woken up. In recent years, I've really only blogged if "I have something to say"...some specific topic to write about. But there are a lot of great stories that are going untold because of that. So it's time to celebrate life a little more, especially on this little ole blog.