SCI 207 Homework

(UPDATE: Yeah, I totally turned this in. And got full credit. In fact, the teacher liked it so much that when he handed the assignments back, he had me read it out loud to the class. Ha ha!)

The Assignment:

Observe the rock in the Geology hallway display case. Record your observations, then come up with the rock's history based on your observations.

The Rock:

The Rock's History, according to me:

Once upon a time there was a very large and often hungry monster named Lithovore Jones. Lithovore Jones was what modern bloggers would now call a “foodie.” He loved eating more than he loved sunning his tail on rocks or singing hopscotch songs, and all monsters love these things a lot. His favorite foods were plants and seafood. The only problem was that Lithovore Jones always ate too fast.

After going out to dinner with other monsters one night, Lithovore Jones grimaced and said, “I love eating, but I always get a stomach ache afterwards!”

“Maybe if you didn’t eat so fast, Lithovore Jones,” his friends kindly hinted.

Lithovore Jones sighed. “But I just love food so much! I can’t get enough of it. Tonight’s clam-bake was delicious.”

His monster friends agreed. “The barnacle appetizers are superb at this restaurant,” one said. “Oh, and the oysters! Divine!” said another. “I’m a fan of the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert myself,” said another. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Lithovore Jones’ stomach gurgled, and he sighed again. “If only there was something I could do to aid digestion!”

Suddenly, another monster stepped out of the alley. She had a long mane of matted orange hair, and it was filled with shells and beads and bits of bone. She was carrying a small leather pouch.

“Pssst,” she said. “Hey Lithovore.”

“Me?” said Lithovore Jones.

“Yeah you, sonny. I’ve got something here to cure your ills!” The strange monster held out the leather pouch, and Lithovore Jones peered inside.

“It’s nothing but sand and pebbles!” he said.

“Eat it, and your gastrological ailments will be cured!”

The other monsters looked skeptical, but Lithovore Jones instinctively trusted the monster-witch, and he took the pouch and gulped down its contents. Readers may judge this move overhasty, but they must realize that Lithovore Jones’ stomach really hurt.

For a moment after swallowing the sand and pebbles, nothing happened. Then suddenly, Lithovore Jones felt his stomach lurching and churning. The clams and barnacles and the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert were all being tossed around in his stomach like clothes in a dryer. Lithovore Jones felt slightly alarmed.

“Is this supposed to happen?” he asked the strange monster.

She laughed and said, “Yes! Yes! One moment more and the process will be complete!”

Lithovore Jones felt his stomach slowing down, down, down…until finally it stopped. Lithovore Jones belched once and a small stone fell from his mouth.

All the other monsters examined the stone with slightly disgusted fascination. The sand had mixed with Lithovore Jones’ stomach acids to create a sort of cement. And in the cement were all the clams and barnacles and the Unidentifiable Material Horseshoe Dessert. The pebbles churning around with the lump of digested shells had smoothed its edges, leaving it free of jagged edges.

For having just been belched forth from the innards of a large monster, it was a thing of beauty.

When the other monsters finally looked up from the stone, the strange monster-witch was gone. The monsters debated among themselves about what should be done with the shell-filled rock for a few minutes. Finally, Lithovore Jones picked up the stone and put it in his pocket.

“I know exactly what I’ll do with this,” he said, and walked away, thinking fondly of his dear friend Brother Tonks, who would be sure to find a use for the stone in his science courses at BYU-Idaho.