Diligent Writer Me: Pssst. Hey. Hey you!
Current Me: Leave me alone.
Diligent Writer Me: I just wanted to, you know, give you a friendly reminder that you've still got forty chapters or so to edit.
Current Me: I know. It's too many.
Diligent Writer Me: It's not too many! It's not like you have to re-write them completely! Just make a few changes.
Current Me: Lies. I have to re-write like, a fourth of them completely. I have to move those two climactic conversations to the end so that there's one actual climax, and then I have to re-write like, everything from the climax on, and also change almost everything Alice says because you decided I should revamp her entire character.
Diligent Writer Me: Okay, okay. So it's a lot of work. But I'm telling you, if you just do a little bit every day, you'll be done before you know it! I mean, you wrote the whole first draft in only one month.
Current Me: Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. It's just that there are so many other things to do right now.
Diligent Writer Me: ............Like what?
Current Me: Like...well, like watch House of Cards! And read these autocorrect fails on the internet. And also watch cat videos. And text this friend. And maybe eat some ice cream? And I bet if I were to refresh Facebook, there would be something else interesting there!
Diligent Writer Me: All right. I grant you, House of Cards is awesome. And autocorrect fails will never stop being hilarious. Same for cat videos. And texting friends can be a good thing. And ice cream is awesome. And while refreshing Facebook that often doesn't usually bring up something else interesting, it MIGHT. But hear me out on this--
Current Me: NO!
Diligent Writer Me: Do I need to start using all caps?
Current Me: Oh, what? Sorry, I can't hear you because of how much I'm LOLing at this cat trying to jump over a baby gate.
Diligent Writer Me: Fine. You asked for it. This is for your own good. LISTEN UP, CHAPMAN. YOU PUT "FINISH EDITING MY YA NOVEL AND SUBMIT IT FOR PUBLICATION" ON YOUR LIST OF 9 THINGS TO DO WHILE 29. YOU ARE TURNING 30 IN TWO AND A HALF MONTHS. YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
Current Me: Didn't you just tell me, like five sentences ago, that it won't take me long?
Diligent Writer Me: No, I said it wouldn't take long IF YOU DO A LITTLE BIT EVERY DAY. You're doing pretty darn good on your other goals. It'd be a shame to not meet this one. Because of cat videos.
Current Me: But--
Diligent Writer Me: BECAUSE OF CAT VIDEOS.
Current Me: Ugh. Fine. Whatever. I'll edit. And write.
Diligent Writer Me: Atta girl.
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