Funny friends = a medicine for melancholy

The quotebook is one of my very favorite things. I've been adding a lot of gems to it lately, so I thought I'd share. Laughter is a good remedy for a bad day, I think. 

"How did more babies NOT get swallowed by dogs? That's my question." - Ashley

Anne: I'm obsessed with sharks. They are the greatest animals on the planet.
Dawn: If you had the chance to be a shark, would you do it?
Anne: I want to get eaten by a shark.

"Daniel just wants to go to a nude beach and I just want to do things I'm not supposed to in communist countries." - Isha

Willis: Every time I take a shower and put a towel over my head, I take a picture of myself.
Erica: Because you look like Jesus?
Willis: Because I look like Jesus.

"What's that one thing where they throw the thing...? Oh, the Super Bowl." - Liz

"Nothing makes me feel smaller than going to a concert in a warehouse." - Ben

"'Skinwalker Ranch' sounds more like a porn studio than a paranormal hotspot." - Josh

Mary: Were you wearing a wetsuit?
Daniel: I was wet. I wasn't wearing a suit, though.

"I just admire Annalicia's combination of recreation and acts of rebellion." - Dad

"Nice shirt, Bryan. Do you want to stay a virgin forever?" - Kylee

"Like, that was funny. I just couldn't get my body to laugh." - Collette

Mary: I like your man-bun, Daniel!
Beckah: It's just a bun. It's the same thing on a man or a woman.
(15 minutes later)
Mary: It goes well with your man-bun.
Beckah: IT'S JUST A BUN!

"I KNOW it's a movie theater, but it has a recliner! We should be able to bring blankets and take our clothes off!" - Dad

"Do you know that song? I think it's from a Book of Mormon movie. Or Pocahontas..." - Collette

(after I lost him briefly in the grocery store)
Liz: Where did you go?
Dad: I was admiring the pickles.

Ben: Wait. What do you mean by "cold showers"?
Dan: No heat.

"Hey Dad, we're twins! Except you ain't got no hair." - Yahosh

Brighton: Wouldn't it be weird to not know what you look like? Like in the Middle Ages?
Collette: That's why you go into the woods and look in the puddles.

Josh: Does being a hermit living in a cabin next to a lake count as a profession?
Liz: Definitely. Unless you're planning domestic acts of terror or something.
Josh: Nope. Just gardening.

"I was so worried about lunch, but then I remembered that I never eat lunch." - Gayle

"I love things that taste like dirt." - Dan

"That's like the calligraphy of tongue-rolling." - Ben

"That sack looks so turnip-y." - Brandon, to no one in particular, as he walked by the prop shelf

“Why would you pour lemonade like that?!” - Ryan, to himself, while looking at his phone

“Is it bad that I get turned on by watching my own crossfit videos?" - Mandee

Me: I’m so tired.
Cairo: Oh. I have ADHD.

"You WILL listen to me. I will have you ARRESTED.” - Miss Rita, to a 1st grader

"Cool red pants. I almost wore red pants. Actually, that's a lie, but I have some red pants that I could have worn if I had wanted to.” - overheard

Liz: That's a good, strong hug.
Cairo: I can crush 70 pounds with my thighs.

"I hate to pat ourselves on the back, but we didn't clean the church this last week, and it doesn't look as good as when we did it." - Sunday school teacher

"I hate paisley. It looks like a bunch of sperm got drunk and went square-dancing." - Daniel

"I didn't know that aioli was fancy mayonnaise. What the f***. Just call it mayonnaise." - Betsy

(while chatting online)
Liz: Dude, you are not showing enough enthusiasm for this eclipse. THE MOON IS GOING TO BE DIRECTLY IN BETWEEN THE EARTH AND THE SUN IN A COSMIC MIRACLE AND WE GET TO SEE IT!
Josh: Sorry, went for a grapefruit.