I had another essay in the works that I was planning on posting today—a venom-filled indictment of those who say “men have to be so careful in this age of #MeToo.” But the time doesn’t feel right for that post. A lot of people are aching right now. (Let’s be honest—a lot of people are aching all of the time.) But I’m just aware of the sadness people are feeling about the loss of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, and I’m aware of the private battles of a handful of close friends. So I felt that something tender would be better for today.
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care lately. The need to be patient and kind with ourselves. I once
But the phrase “self-care” doesn’t really include specific details or instructions. So, I’ve crowd-sourced some ideas, and included things from my own list. Because when you’re in crisis, it’s hard to brainstorm ways to care for yourself. If you already have a list made, it’s a little easier to just take a look at it and find a good way to hug your own heart.
So feel free to use this list to create your own—exclude the things that don’t work for you (because of interests or budget), and include some things of your own. Some items on this list are distractions from spiraling thought loops, and some are ways to address the hurts you’re feeling, and some are a little bit of both.
I know that some of these things are extra difficult when you’re dealing with clinical depression, and I’m in no way suggesting that any of these things will fix your problems, or be an adequate replacement for medication, therapy, etc. But a list of self-care strategies is just another tool to add to your toolbox. Consider it a first aid kit—sometimes a bandaid really is helpful.
SELF-CARE IDEAS!
Watch a great movie or TV show
This can be an old favorite, a comedy to make you forget your troubles, or something sad or romantic to give you a good cry. Or you can splurge and take yourself out to the movies. Get a giant popcorn and sit in one of those luxury loungers. Or just queue up Netflix and let that next episode play.
Go on a walk
The left-right movement of walking actually calms the brain, and makes difficult emotions a little easier to process. Movement in general is pretty good for brains, unhappy or otherwise. Find a good podcast or put on a good playlist, and just explore your neighborhood.
Exercise
Because endorphins. It doesn’t have to be much—you can find a short, easy work out video on youtube and do it in your living room.
Paint or do art of some kind
Says the girl with the art therapist. The process is more important than the product. It doesn’t have to look good—just smear some paint. Fill a whole piece of paper with crayon scribbles. Get a coloring book and some colored pencils and have at it.
Take yourself out to eat
Someplace yummy, that you really love. Don’t count calories. And yes, order dessert.
Read a good book
An old favorite, or discover something new via Goodreads or your local library.
Shave your legs
Really really really well. Be meticulous. Use shaving cream. Use a new razor. Exfoliate and moisturize.
Manicure/pedicure
Either professionally, or at home.
Get a massage
If you can afford it, this is AMAZING.
Connect with someone you care about
Send a text/snapchat/Marco Polo/Facebook message. Spend some time in conversation with another person. Human connections are powerful and healing.
Journal/write
This is another one where process is more important than product. Just write what you’re thinking/feeling.
Reorganize something
How’s your bathroom closet look? Your bookshelf? Your Tupperware drawer? Sit down and go through and tidy it up. Sometimes your thoughts and emotions get tidied in the process.
Deep clean something
When’s the last time you wiped down your kitchen cupboards, inside and out? Just like tidying, a good deep clean can be cathartic.
Do a jigsaw puzzle
Just something simple that takes a little movement and a little thought.
Cook something new
Try a new recipe. Bonus if there’s chocolate involved.
Jerk off
Yeah, I said it.
Cuddle/kiss/make out/have sex with someone you care about
Physical touch can be so so so healing. There’s a phenomenon called “skin hunger,” where the human body and mind suffers if it doesn’t experience touch. If you have a friend or significant other who’s into this, ask them for some loving.
Sing
I’m a huge fan of YouTube karaoke.
YouTube Party
Speaking of YouTube, get on there and watch the things that make you smile. Favorite themes of mine include: babies laughing, cat/dog fails, dance videos, and bloopers. Watch your favorites and find some new ones.
Impromptu Emergency Dance Party
I have a specific playlist for this purpose. The exercise releases endorphins, and the music perks my heart up. And a lot of us just don’t dance like we used to!
Take a warm bath/hot shower
Water is healing, somehow.
Meditation/mindfulness
Sometimes it’s helpful to just take a moment to breathe and BE in the moment. There are lots of apps and YouTube guides to help you if you’re a novice.
Spend time in nature/get outside
Whether it’s a public park or a hiking trail, just being outdoors and surrounded by green can work wonders. Or just move a kitchen chair to your front porch and sit in the sun.
An exploratory drive
Hop in your car and explore a part of town you’ve never been in before. Take a moment to appreciate the architecture of the houses.
Retail therapy
Listen, use this one sparingly. But sometimes a stroll through Target or Barnes & Noble really is lovely.
Just give yourself permission to feel
I often subconsciously go numb when I’m feeling distress. While it’s uncomfortable, the best way to deal with that distress is to just give myself time to feel it. I’ll usually do this while journaling or going on a walk or a drive, or having a conversation with a loved one.
Listen to awesome music
Sometimes I’ll go through my iTunes, and think “Oh yeah! I effing LOVE Franz Ferdinand! I wanna listen to this album!” Revisit some old favorites. Find some new ones.
Hang out with some animals
Visit the pet store or humane society and cuddle kitties and puppies.
Take care of yourselves, everyone.
If you or a loved one is having thoughts of suicide, or dealing with a moment of crisis in clinical depression, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with them online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. They are open 24/7 and also provide services for those who are deaf or hard of hearing. You can also google "Suicide or Crisis Hotline" and see what resources are available in your area.
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