Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Some deep thoughts today...

I've been pondering this blog a lot lately. It's gone through quite a few changes, and I don't think it's done changing yet. When it began, way back in 2004, blogger was still a fairly new thing. I don't think there was such a thing as a "Mormon Mommy Blog." Or fashion blogs. They didn't really exist yet. And for the most part, I knew my audience. I was writing to my family and a few friends, just not in e-mail form, in case anyone else was interested in reading. Now, to my great surprise, I have 175 followers. Which is awesome. And a little strange, just because I only know two dozen of them. Three or four times in the last few years, people I've just met have said to me "This is kind of crazy, but I actually know you from your blog." (One of those people is now my husband.)

I've remained sort of aloof from the blog-world in general as the years have gone by...I only follow three or four blogs of people I don't know, and then I don't even actually "follow" them (via blogger), I just have links on my own blog, or bookmarks. I never do giveaways, and I've only entered one once. I've tried hard to keep this blog in the spirit of its original intention...simply a place to share thoughts and updates.

But it's getting difficult for two reasons:
1) My audience has changed. And that's grand, it's just different.
2) I've changed. If you go back and read some of my early entries, they're delightful, but I've sort of "grown up" more. This is mostly a very good thing...I'm aware of what I should and shouldn't be publishing on the internet. But there's a lust for adventure and a delight in sharing fabulous realities that used to be a much bigger part of me.

It's sort of a theme in my life right now. I used to be much better at saying yes to whatever adventures came along, and of seeing the everyday beauty of life. And this blog used to be much more a part of that.

I don't think this blog should "go back" to what it used to be. Nor do I think I should "go back" to who I used to be. But there are parts of me that I think are the truest me, and those true parts have been hiding under a few fears lately...a lot of past experiences trying to keep me from living as fully and as beautifully as I could be. I'm working on bringing those true parts of me out into the light again.

And maybe this blog will be a part of that. I've been reading a lot of delightful stories on some fantastic blogs lately, and the life-loving, adventure-seeking, story-telling part of me is being woken up. In recent years, I've really only blogged if "I have something to say"...some specific topic to write about. But there are a lot of great stories that are going untold because of that. So it's time to celebrate life a little more, especially on this little ole blog.

What 1 year of true love looks like

I guess technically this is what a celebration of one year of true love looks like. A year of true love defies pictures, I feel. I could spend this blog entry telling you all about our true love, why it's been a great year, what I love about Jacob, etc. etc. But I don't feel a need to today...I've told him those things, so suffice it to say that it's been a great year and I love Jacob and I'm excited to see where our marriage takes us next. I'll tell you about our anniversary weekend instead.

About a week before, I asked Jacob if he had any ideas of how we should celebrate our anniversary. We're pretty poor at the moment, so I didn't want to go too crazy, but I wanted a celebration. Jacob informed me that he had been scheming, and that it was a surprise.

Now, Jacob usually just doesn't have it in him to keep a surprise a surprise for very long. He usually ends up revealing what the surprise is. But this time, he kept it all secret and didn't tell me a thing! Sunday afternoon, I was blindfolded and handed my iPod to listen to, then guided to the car and placed inside. I had some suspicions about what we were doing, and I thought camping might be involved, but I had no idea where or for how long or anything.

After about half an hour in the car, Jacob said I could either remove the blindfold then and enjoy the scenery, or I could wait until we arrived at our destination. I took off the blindfold to see the beautiful countryside outside of Ashton, and was informed that we were on our way to Mesa Falls, Idaho! Which was extra-awesome, because it's been on my list to visit all summer. =)

We camped for one night, enjoyed the scenery, talked, got eaten alive by mosquitoes, almost got rained on but then didn't, ate tinfoil dinners and s'mores, and enjoyed being surrounded by God's beautiful creations. Jacob had gone to his parents house to prepare a few things, and his family told him that under the circumstances, they wanted to give him his birthday present early...because it was a tent and two sleeping bags! And what a lovely tent it was too. Without the rain-cover, three full sides of it are mesh, so it's like being all kinds of outdoors without being eaten by the 4,000 bugs that kept attempting to feast on us. We're excited to put the tent to use for the rest of the summer. We also had such a great time being in nature, and are so blessed to live in this incredible place, that we decided that every Saturday from now until the end of the summer will be spent doing something outdoorsy. =)

And now here are some pictures.

(You like the optical illusion in this top-left picture? Jacob appears to me taller than me! In reality, we're about the same height.)

We also decided that even though we're in love, making out while covered in sunscreen, bug repellent and dirt is one of the least romantic things in the world. So we made up for it when we got home.

Oh beautiful

I love the 4th of July. I really do. I especially love the 4th of July in a small town like Rexburg. And here's why.

Friday - We set off fireworks with Jordan and Heather in the Church parking lot. I will forever treasure the image of little Heather, almost 41 weeks pregnant, lighting fireworks and then running away from them. Also, a lot of candy was consumed.

Saturday - The day of purchasing fireworks. Which was sort of similar to they ways in which I imagine people purchase weed. I went to the Black Cat stand in the Broulims parking lot and spent almost $60 on explosives, and then said "Bottle rockets aren't legal in town, are they?" And I said that because I knew that someone there would then tell me where I could get some. Which they did. I drove five minutes out of town to someone's farm, where they had a truck trailer in their yard, full of explosives. I walked up and said "I need some bottle rockets...I hear you're the people to see." "Come with me," one of them said, before leading me into the dark truck trailer and handing me a package of contraband fireworks. I filled out paperwork with my name, address, and driver's license number, and provided the name of a city that I was planning to export these fireworks to. I felt awesome.

Sunday - A day of food and friends! In the afternoon, we were joined by Seve and Jules, and Mike and Shanda, and had one of those "married people meals" that married people are always planning. The highlight of which was the HOMEMADE STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM we made for dessert. Jacob and I got an ice-cream maker for our wedding almost a year ago, but this is the first time we've used it. But I think we'll be using it about once a week for the rest of the summer. Seve and Jules stayed a bit longer, which necessitated a second dessert of s'mores made with Nutella instead of chocolate, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies instead of graham crackers. And they were amazing. Then Jules and I talked about babies (she's due in November) while Seve and Jacob had a Nerf gun war.

Monday - I got a text from Jordan around 3 am announcing that they were on their way to the hospital to have their baby. I might have done a little happy dance, and then slept for 4 more hours. While I hadn't been looking forward to getting up at 7 am, by the time it came around, I was pretty awake. One of my best friends was having a baby and I was getting ready to be in a parade. And 4th of July in a small town just can't be beat. (It's something every American should experience at least once.)

We dropped some breakfast off at the hospital for the Taits, then drove over to the school, where the Theatre Summer Camp at BYU-Idaho readied ourselves and our "float" (Gary's truck with a banner taped onto it), then drove out to Smith Park, the parade's starting point. The parade was a blast, roasting hot, but we had fun. After changing out of our costumes (I was a nerd, and Jacob was a founding father, sort of), the Grotto Committee members went our separate ways...Jacob to finish some things at home and me to Porter Park for a while, to enjoy the Independence Day Fair. I ate two chicken kabobs and listened to the jazz band while watching people ride the mechanical bull.

It was still hot by afternoon, so a handful of friends told us to meet them at Beaverdick Park (every single time I write that name, I can't believe it), and to bring our bathing suits. So we joined Mike, Shanda, Seve, Jules, Jerry, Ashley, and Janelle, dangling our feet in the water at the dock and occasionally throwing each other in. The highlight of that afternoon was probably when Jacob attempted to step from the dock to a large pipe that was sticking out of the water, where he was planning on balancing. He succeeded for about one and a half seconds before exclaiming "Oh, freak," and falling into the water, shoes, glasses, and all. He did manage to save himself and all of those valuable articles, though. Oh, and I foolishly refused sunscreen, wanting my skin to be "sun-kissed," which would somehow make summer a reality. My back is now somewhere between "fire engine red" and "magenta," and summer is too much of a reality.

In the evening, it was fireworks with Jacob's family! As per the tradition I've developed, I read the Declaration of Independence (with occasional interjections of "Sshhh!" and "Hey, listen!" and "Pay attention! This is a sacred document!"), at the end of which we lit the first firework of the night. We had several unsuccessful "Tank Wars," and lit dozens of ground-flowers and crackle-bombs and sparklers. (We've still got a handful of 'em around here somewhere, to be set off at a later time and place...)

Happy birthday, America. (And Kaitlynn Elizabeth Tait.)

Big (or very small) news

I'm going to write about my 4th of July weekend at some point, including a rant about the terrible sunburn I got, but first, there are two small miracles that need to be celebrated.

The first small miracle belongs (in part) to this person:

(Yep, Carrie. I used THIS photo.)
This is Carrie Chapman. We became friends in the fall of 2004, in Acting I, and we've been tight ever since. Our friendship is based on telling great stories, helping each other through hard times, exchanging letters while Carrie was on a mission, and similar liberal/hippie views of the world. She is one of my best friends in the world and I love her.

In April of 2009, Carrie married this person:

His name is Scott, and he plays the guitar and collects funny t-shirts. They were our downstairs neighbors during the first 6 months of Jacob and I's marriage, and we miss them every single day.

And on June 28th, these people became a family of three, as this little person came into the world:

This little bundle of joy is named Georgia Rose, AKA "Peach" or "Peach Pie." (Georgia peach...get it?) I don't know a lot about her yet, and I'm sure she's still learning about herself, too. She's only been here on earth for 7 days. But everyone is sure glad she's here. I can't wait to meet her, and she is one lucky baby to have Scott and Carrie for a mom and dad.

The second miracle belongs (also in part) to this person:

This is Jordan Tait, another bestie. We became friends on the night I smeared chocolate on his face at this party in the Fall of 2006, and we spent a Playmill summer together in 2007. Our friendship is based on similar tastes in music, a shared passion for comedy, film, and theatre, and helping each other accomplish and face difficult things.

In August of 2010, about a month after my own wedding, Jordan married this person:

This is Heather. Heather is one of the kindest people I have ever met, and if she seems shy when you first meet her, don't let that fool you. She's also got a FANTASTIC sense of humor, and is a stronger person than most other people you'll meet.

And in the early evening of July 4th, the duo became a trio with the arrival of this little girl:

This is Baby Tait. She doesn't have a name quite yet, although I keep rooting for "Elizabeth." =) (UPDATE: THIS IS KAITLYNN ELIZABETH TAIT. Bam.) Her birth was welcomed by a procession on Main Street (four marching bands, seven cheer/dance teams, Miss Rexburg, the dancing guys from Ray's Car Wash, and floats advertising local businesses), and fireworks. But she deserves it. I haven't met her yet, but if she's anything like her parents, I already know she's a gem. I can't wait to meet her later today, or tomorrow.

I have all sorts of new thoughts about the miracle of birth and families and stuff, but at the moment I'm still a little speechless with the wonder of it all, and even if I could articulate my thoughts and feelings, I don't know if this blog is the place to record them. So I'll just say that these two little people amaze me. I'm so excited for these dear friends to begin this journey of parenthood. I keep having these experiences that make me think "Whoa. I'm like, an ADULT now." And then something else happens that makes me feel like that again and I feel like I never really was grown up before. I guess that will continue until the end of my life, and probably beyond.

In the meantime, I'm thrilled for the Chapmans and the Taits. Congratulations to two new little families.

At the end of June

It was over 80 degrees today. I went on a bike ride and narrowly escaped being sprayed by a skunk.

Summer has officially and truly begun.

I've never held a human heart, but I imagine that I know what it would feel like

 

I've been thinking about this poem lately...the last year or so, the theme of the heart has made its way into at least half of my poetry. None of it is half as good as Margaret Atwood's though. This poem is incredible.

Enjoy a bit of poetic beauty today.

The Woman Who Could Not Live With Her Faulty Heart
Margaret Atwood

I do not mean the symbol
of love, a candy shape
to decorate cakes with,
the heart that is supposed
to belong or break;

I mean this lump of muscle
that contracts like a flayed biceps,
purple-blue, with its skin of suet,
its skin of gristle, this isolate,
this caved hermit, unshelled
turtle, this one lungful of blood,
no happy plateful.

All hearts float in their own
deep oceans of no light,
wetblack and glimmering,
their four mouths gulping like fish.
Hearts are said to pound:
this is to be expected, the heart’s
regular struggle against being drowned.

But most hearts say, I want, I want,
I want, I want. My heart
is more duplicitious,
though no twin as I once thought.
It says, I want, I don’t want, I
want, and then a pause.
It forces me to listen,

and at night it is the infra-red
third eye that remains open
while the other two are sleeping
but refuses to say what it has seen.

It is a constant pestering
in my ears, a caught moth, limping drum,
a child’s fist beating
itself against the bedsprings:
I want, I don’t want.
How can one live with such a heart?

Long ago I gave up singing
to it, it will never be satisfied or lulled.
One night I will say to it:
Heart, be still,
and it will.

And considering what is more...

From our recent run of Waiting for Godot. Thanks to Camilla for helping with the filmage. And I'll just say right now that with very few exceptions (for reasons unknown), this monologue is word-for-word from the script we worked with.

That's right. I memorized this bugger.

(Also, isn't that the greatest wig you've ever seen?! Jacob said I looked like Lady Gaga.)

Missionary Jacob Joy

An old missionary companion of Jacob's sent this video our way recently...it's of the two of them, and some music, and some lampshades. And it reminded me of why I married my Jacob. He's a delight to my own goofy heart.

Stay-at-home-parents vs. Working parents

I have several good friends right now who are either new mothers or going to be mothers any day now. I'm not a mother myself, but having worked as a nanny and a baby-sitter before, and having spent two summers in the nursery at Church, I can appreciate this. This is for anyone who may still be under the impression that being a stay-at-home-mom is an easy job.

Stay-At-Home vs. Working Parents: Questions to help spouses bridge the communication gap
By Heather Rigby
via Babble.com

My husband always asks how my day went. And he really wants to know. He’s nice like that. As we slowly push the girls around in the stroller, he shares what went right during his day at the office, and I share funny things the kids said. On bad days we vent stresses and offer support and advice.

But lately I can’t help wondering if when I mention that my day was sort of stressful, he mentally thinks, “Yeah, my days are like that too.” Because I really don’t think that our days have the same sort of stresses.

When you decide to become a stay-at-home parent, you enter into a different realm — one ruled by illogical two-year-old dictators, school schedules, and choosing the correct color yogurt. As much as I can explain this to my husband, I don’t know that I’m getting through. Now I’ve done the next best thing: creating a list of questions that will help him and other office-bound parents gauge how (cough, cough) similar their days are to ours.

1. When you walked into work this morning and pleasantly greeted your co-worker Jim, was his first reaction to scream “NO! WANT JASON!" followed by an office supply being thrown at you?

2. Has a colleague ever climbed up on your lap while you were using your computer and slammed the keyboard with both fists until the up arrow no longer worked?

3. Do you have to lock yourself in the supply closet or bathroom on a regular basis in order to make phone calls?

4. Did you finish a complete thought at any time during the day?

5. When you went out to lunch with your fellow workers, did you have to pack a diaper/juice/extra outfit for them? Did you have to wipe their faces? Smile an apology and leave an extra tip for the waiter on their behalf?

6. When a co-worker needed you for something, did she sit at her desk with her head tilted back toward the ceiling and repeatedly scream “SEAN! SEEEEANNNN! SEAAAAAAN!” until you came to find him?

7. When you needed a specific colleague, did you search all over for him, only to finally find him giggling in the cabinet under the sink? Did you also find six pairs of your church shoes under there with him?

8. Have you had to come to an associate’s aid because she fell off her desk after trying to climb on top of it using a rolling chair?

9. When you reached for the report a co-worker was handing you, did he snatch them away at the last second and scream “MINE!” while shoving you backwards?

10. Does your colleague lift up her shirt and pick things out of her belly button every time she comes over to ask a question?

11. While you are using the restroom, do various co-workers come in the stall and ask you to settle a disagreement or open a packet of fruit snacks?

12. During a board meeting when everyone is present, do you notice a smell and then have to check all your colleagues’ pants to locate it? In fact, at ANY point in your day do you have to deal with another person's feces?

If the answer to most of these questions is no, it’s a safe bet to assume you’re in an office. That said, if your answer to most of these questions is yes, and you know you’re in an office, it’s safe to assume you might need a new job.

A list of things

Things I don't like very much:
- Hay fever
- The closest Barnes and Noble being half an hour away (although this is probably better for our bank account)
- Realizing on a Sunday that every single thing you can think of to make/eat calls for milk, and not having any in the house

Things I don't understand (which doesn't mean I dislike them...I just don't get it):
- Rustic farm equipment used for front yard decorations (Like, wagon wheels in the flower beds and stuff. It looks odd to me.)
- Why people sometimes have both an iPod AND an iPhone. Isn't the whole point to have everything in one device?
- Why restaurants in college towns would turn the fryer off at 10:30 on a Saturday night

Things I love:
- Netflix Instant Viewing
- Steak
- Emails telling me I've recently won/inherited/been asked to transfer an enormous amount of money. Like this one, which is probably the best one I've ever received. I've kept it in my inbox for like two months because it cracks me up. Everything is as it was in the original email...spelling, grammar, etc.

Subject: PLEASE ASSIST FOR HUMANITY SAKE

Dear Beloved,

First, I must apologize to you for using this medium to communicate to you about this project I am the above named person from Cardiff, Wales I was married to Mr. Ronald Rich who worked with the British embassy in Kuwait for nine years before he died in March, 2007.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $8.5Million (Eight Million five hundred thousand U.S. Dollars) in cash with a security company in London.Presently, this money is still with the security company , my doctor told me that I would not last for the next three weeks due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. [This line is probably my favorite part.]

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to cancer research centers. I am therefore looking for any individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct. The person must also donate to orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating the word [another favorite line], I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an unjust manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health and the presence of my husbands relatives around me always as they are very greedy and only hope that i die soon to enable them claim the rest of my husbands wealth hence I don’t want them to know about this development,by his grace, all things are possible. As soon as i receive your reply I shall give you the contact of an attorney who would help you for the immediate release of the funds to you in cash or by telegraphic wire transfer.I will also issue a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund.Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Hope to hear from you soon through my private ------- and be assured that it will not take more than 7 working days for you to receive the funds from the date you acknowledge receipt of this mail.

Remain Blessed,
Elizabeth Rich.

I want to contact this person and tell them they should write for television.

(Also, here's a tip: My dad works at an embassy, and he is not a millionaire. Very few embassy workers are.)

If it's not on facebook, it didn't happen

If I don't click "Like," will the world still believe that I really DO love my husband?