I love the Gospel, and I know it's true, but...
To all members of Rexburg Mormon Culture:
Dating someone for 5 months without getting engaged does not mean that anything is wrong with a relationship.
Also please see related rant from a previous entry.
Sincerely, Liz
Sorry I've been so grumpy lately, blogosphere. But conversations like the following irk me to no end. These are actual conversations that have taken place in the last few days:
GUY: How long have you guys been dating?
ME: 5 months.
GUY: Wow. So is it...getting close?
GIRL: So how long have you guys been dating?
ME: About 5 wonderful months.
GIRL: 5 MONTHS?! Geez, girl, is this actually going anywhere?
Grrrr. It's so nosey and based off of faulty and flawed preconceived notions that I feel so strongly can be destructive.
If I had broken up with Jacob after 2 months because he hadn't proposed, I would never know the happiness and progress I know! We've been listening to the LORD, not Mormons, and I don't know how to explain this without sounding self-righteous. (Which I probably am in my impatience with my fellow man...)
I've been giving my standard "shocking" answer, to divert attention from the question and to hint that people are being nosey. ("Well, we've been sleeping together for about 2 months now, so we figured we'd skip the whole temple marriage thing." Which is not true, by the way.) But apparently, people arent' getting it, and I'm afraid I'll start saying things like "Oh, we're discussing personal things based on faulty cultural notions? Ok! Why are you still single? You've probably been sinning, otherwise you'd have a boyfriend/girlfriend."
Hmph. I would say it, except I feel like people would find me over-reactive and out-of-touch, and I don't want to explain my whole philosophy to people who probably wouldn't even care, every time I get asked a question like "Is this going anywhere?"
If you really care about Jacob and I, and are close to us, I don't mind your sincere inquiries into the nature of our relationship, and wanting the best for us.
But don't say things like that to people you hardly know. Okay?
hahahahhahaa i love you! i enjoy your rants, they are real.
ReplyDeleteHaha- totally true, and sadly totally unavoidable. Ry and I dated for about a year and a half (and we were in Rexy the whole time) so you can imagine the reactions we got. When people would say things like "holy cow, a year?" I would say things like "yes, thank goodness," and act totally oblivious to their insinuations. And really, thank goodness it took as long as it did (and I don't even think we dated that long considering most of my friends back home in CA were like, "what, you've only been dating how long and you're getting MARRIED?!?!?! Are you SURE?"). I say keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteIt's just so weird to me. First of all, I don't understand why people automatically assume that someone would/should be engaged at month 5 in the relationship. Second, I don't understand why people say stuff like that! And outside of Rexburg, or at least outside the church, marriage doesn't even occur to people at 5 months.
ReplyDeleteOf course, after you're married, that's when you get all the "pregnant yet?" quesitons.
As both your mother, and someone from California, I'm all for you taking your time. Though I have to say, it makes me laugh to know nothing has changed in 25 years! And I personally love your response, and think you should continue to use it. Or maybe you could add that Jacob is first looking for his other potential wives to sleep with first so there can be a group proposal.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! Love you, and love your writer's voice.
Mom
XOXOXOXOXOXO
I owe you part of an apology, I think. Every time I talk to Annie, I ask if you're engaged yet. But I promise, it's only out of sincere love and the need to feel close to people who are so far away. In reality, I think you're so very smart for going with the natural progression of your relationship. I mean heck, if you do get married, you'll still have been together this whole time. It's not like you're wasting time that you could have been spent married. I'm so glad you guys are so happy.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we go our own pace. It makes me feel really cool to be dating you, and dating you differently than I've dated anyone else. Feels right, good, and fun. Oh--also, I love you.
ReplyDeleteI love you Liz! Coming from a family whose longest courtship was about 5 months, it's hard for me to not ask every once in a while if there's a ring on your finger. Every time I read something you've written about Jacob it's like I can see the light in your eyes (which is even more awesome since I'm all the way in california... what can I say, it's a bright light!). I'm really glad you are taking your time, but I hope you can keep that light going with Jacob forever. And all I'm going to say is that when the spirit DOES say yes (even if it's only after 6 days or 6 months) just go for it, you won't be sad you did.
ReplyDelete